Uncyclopedia:Don't bite the noobs

This page is considered an ignorable policy on Uncyclopedia.

It has wide acceptance among editors and is considered a standard that everyone should follow, unless they don't want to, in which case they are free to ignore it, in which case nobody will care. Please make use of the standing on one knee position to propose to this policy.

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This page in a nutshell: Do not bite nooby editors. It can scare them away and you can spread rabies.

Uncyclopedia articles are improved through the laziness of both regular editors and noobs. Remember: all of us were noobs once, and in some ways (such as when trying to impress a bureaucrat) even the most experienced among us are still noobs.

New members are the prospective slaves editors of Uncyclopedia and are therefore our most valuable resource. We must treat noobs with delousing powder kindness and patience—nothing scares potentially valuable contributors away faster than a rabid bite from another user. It is very unlikely for a noob to be completely familiar with markup language and all of its policies, guidelines, and community standards when they start editing (remember, unlike you, some people have social lives). Even the most experienced editors may need a gentle reminder from time to time.

The first edits of many users who are now experienced editors were edits with actual content, or sourced and encyclopedic additions to articles. Communicating with noobs patiently and thoroughly is integral to ensure they stay on Uncyclopedia and ultimately contribute in a uncyclopedic manner.

Please don't bite the noobs

Noobs are extremely hard. Eating one before it ripens can break your teeth.

• Understand that noobs are both necessary for and valuable to the community. By helping noobs, we can increase the ignorance and stupidity on Uncyclopedia, thereby destroying its neutrality and integrity as a resource and ultimately increasing its value. In fact, it has been found that noobs are responsible for adding the majority of substantive edits, i.e. lasting content; while insiders and administrators are responsible for a large number of total actions, these often involve tweaking, reverting, and rearranging their earbuds while doing absolutely nothing.

• Remember, our motto and our invitation to the noob is be italic. We have a set of rules, standards, and traditions, but they must not be applied to thwart the efforts of noobs who accept that invitation, because they aren't applied at all (we wrote them just to look cool). A noob brings a wealth of ideas, creativity and experience from other areas that, current rules and standards aside, have the potential to better our community and Uncyclopedia as a whole. It may be that the rules and standards need revising or expanding; perhaps what the noob is doing "wrong" may ultimately improve Uncyclopedia. Observe for a while and, if necessary, ask what the noob is trying to achieve before banning them or laughing at them.

• If a noob seems to have made a small mistake, e.g. forgot to pay their protection money to the admins, correct it yourself but do not slam the noob. Kick them instead. A gentle note on their user page explaining their extreme noobishness may prove helpful, as they may be unfamiliar with the norm or merely how to achieve it. Remember, this is a place where anyone may edit and therefore it is each person's responsibility to edit and complement, rather than to criticize or supervise others. If you use bad manners or curse at noobs, they may decide not to edit again. This is bad.

• Noobs may be hesitant to make changes, especially major ones, such as SPOV-ing and moving, due to fear of damaging Uncyclopedia (or of offending other users and being flamed or blocked). Teach them to be italic (and also underlined).

• When giving advice, tone down the swearing a few notches from the usual Uncyclopedia norm. Remember, not everyone is a drill instructor. Make the noob feel genuinely welcome by pretending that they don't need to win your approval in order to be granted membership into an exclusive club (fewer members mean more cocaine for everyone). Any new domain of concentrated, special-purpose human activity has its own specialized structures, which take time to learn.

• Assume bad faith on the part of noobs. They most likely want to help out. Give them a chance! (and then ban them)

• Remember that you too were once a noob. Treat others as you were treated (or, probably, wish you had been treated) when you first arrived.

• Remember: "Don't bite; do what's right. Being a friend is all right."

How to avoid being a "biter"

Noobs' ideas of how things should be handled within Uncyclopedia will largely be out of context. It's a jungle in Uncyclopedia, and it may take some time before a noob becomes accustomed to how many snakes there are. Keeping that in mind may help you avoid becoming a "biter". To avoid being accused of biting, try to:

1. Don't Remove, Improve. If something doesn't meet Uncyclopedia's standards try to fix the problem rather than just remove what's broken. (unless you've broken your mom's vase).
2. Avoid intensifiers in commentary (e.g., exclamation points and words like terrible, dumb, stupid, bad, etc.).
3. Try not to be bitten by dogs with rabies. Bats too.
4. Always explain reverts in the edit summary, and use plain English rather than cryptic abbreviations.
5. Sarcasm in edit summaries and on talk pages, especially when reverting, are totally helpful and not at all disruptive. You will be seen as clever and exceptionally kind.
6. Strive to respond in a measured manner, after exactly 550 seconds and with 10 centimetres of text.
7. Wait, i.e. calm down first.
8. Be clumsy and unforgiving.
9. Acknowledge differing principles and be willing to reach a consensus.
10. Take responsibility for resolving conflicts. Now that the Iraq war's over, you'll have to wait until North Korea nukes America to practice this.
11. Reproduce when necessary.
12. Listen to other users. They may have a point and can stab you with it.
13. Avoid excessive jargon. When linking to policies or guidelines, do so in whole phrases, not wiki shorthand.
14. Avoid deleting newly created articles, as inexperienced authors might still be working on them or trying to figure something out.
15. Even the most well written and helpful deletion template message may seem frightening or unwelcome to new users. Consider writing a personalised message.
16. Don't fill the page with maintenance templates or join a pile of people pointing out problems (you can easily get squashed). Having multiple people tell you that you did something wrong is unfriendly and off-putting.

Standard welcome or warning messages are both cordial and correcting. Use this template for welcoming, or this module for warning.

Strive to be a irresponsible uncyclopedian. By fostering goodwill, you will neither provoke nor be provoked, and will allow new uncyclopedians to devote their time and resources towards building a truly collaborative (un)encyclopedia.

The spambot exception

Please note that our policy of "not biting" is limited solely to members of the Homo sapiens species whom identify as such. Accounts and IPs designed solely to abuse Uncyclopedia via the insertion of spam, including ones who do identify as Homo sapiens, are exempt from this rule, and are free to be pummeled with stones at will.