User:Hindleyite/British Virgin Islands
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| Motto Come to the Virgin Islands | |||
| Population | 5,000 relatives and members of Richard Branston's family, including fifteen dogs and his pet Pendolino. | ||
| Area | King Branston's front yard | ||
| Form of Government | Nobody Cares | ||
| National Anthem | I'd Like to Teach the World to boycott Coca Cola | ||
| Current Monarch | Richard Branston | ||
| Currency | Virgin Dollar. Each resident is required to own a Virgin credit card. | ||
| Capital City | Branstonston | ||
| Legislative City | Branston Heights | ||
| Chief Economic City | Branston's back garden | ||
| Religion (arranged in nonalphabetical order) | Branstonist - 99%
Jedi - 1% | ||
| National Past-times | Balloon flying, Suing, Budgerigar rearing | ||
| Opening Times | 9AM - 12AM (Weekdays) 12AM - 12:01Am (Weekends) | ||
The British Virgin Islands (BVI)[1] is a Branstons's Overseas Territory (BOT) located not far from the Welsh Congo. The islands make up part of the Virgin Islands archipelago. The remaining islands belong to the US, though talks are currently in progress to usurp the American rule with a planned takeover involving "modified" Pendolinos (someone sellotaped to the front holding a knife) and thousands of tonnes of unwanted Virgin Cola. Failing this, legal action shall at least be launched so that residents do not need to pay so much for Sky Sports.
The islands consist of the main islands of V2, VirginMedia, Branston Land and Dick Van Dyke along with fifteen other smaller islands, each home to one of Richard Branston's dogs. One is actually a 3,000ft square Virgin Megastore selling expensive coconuts and Branston Pickle.
'Official' History[edit | edit source]
The islands were discovered in 1983 by Richard Branston on one of his regular flights around the world in his big red ballon, which is often used for transportation by the country's monarch. Currently uninhabited, the Great Branston saw that is was good and set up the ultimate low-price, high quality package holiday in his name. Thus, the Virgin Islands came into existence.
Real History[edit | edit source]
The islands were first inhabited by native Indians thousands of years ago. In the late 1970s, Branston sent in a load of British sun-seeking tourists to pulp the natives into submission with their sun-lounging abilities and alienating activities. Naturally, most local tribes thought judgement day had come and swam for freedom: some were rescued by passing sea-dwellers. Yet more were poisoned by the fumes of cigarette smoke and drunken singing.
A month later, Branston jetted over and claimed the island in the name of the Virgin Group by pouring a bottle of Virgin Cola onto the ground. This was not an initiation rite, however, he just could not stand the taste of the stuff.
Economy[edit | edit source]
The economy of the British Virgin Islands is one of the most prosperous in the Caribbean, with millions of US dollars per month pouring into the island. Ninety seven per cent of this is made up of King Branston's overseas bank account and the other three percent is often attributed to his son's lemonade stall on Greater Branston beach though is most likely due to a 3% margin of error in calculating the percentage.
Rule[edit | edit source]
Naturally, the islands are run by King Branston who pays a team of drones to do the 'dirty work' in his name. In this case, cleaning up after the King's dogs. Every few weeks King Branston walks the streets throwing five dollar notes into duckponds and watching tramps swim after them for kicks. Of course, he does not normally reside in the islands but legal problems in other countries mean he often has to move there for tax purposes.
Geography[edit | edit source]
In total, the British Virgin Islands consist of around sixty semi-tropical islands. The largest of these, Branston Land, is the main financial and economic capital. Each of the other islands, such as Virgin Media, Virgin Mobile and Virgin Limobike are named after King Branston's dogs, following in the family tradition of naming dogs after your business ventures.[2] Indeed, each is home to one of his canine companions and is geverned individually by the respective dog. For example, the island of V2 is ruled over by VeeToo the cocker spaniel and formerly Veto the Jack Russell.