User:Hell0ihateyou/HowTo:Fly
Are you feeling down? Got the blues? Tired of looking down at your feet and seeing the boring old ground? Well then, how 'bout we go for a nice fly? What! You can't? Are you a Nazi? My mistake. Well then, lets teach you HOW TO FLY!
Totally Necessary Equipment[edit | edit source]
First, you need a cape. Go to the bathroom and get a towel. Find towel and hold it in your hands for four seconds, realizing that your older brother just used that exact towel on his crotch, and you know what he does] after he gets out of the shower. Drop towel in disgust, and wash your hands to the bone. Then, go to the shelf and get a clean towel. Then fix the towel so that it is neatly hanging out of the back of your shirt collar. Admire yourself in the mirror and wonder if you could pass as Batman.
Next, find a roll of toilet paper(extra-soft and quilted preferred). Then obtain some scotch tape. Proceed to tape on several pieces of toilet paper onto your forearms. After this is done, take some Elmer's Glue and lather it on your biceps. Next, obtain a bag of multicolor feathers. If you don't have a bag of feathers, which is also a federal crime, take a trip to Party City, get distracted and pay the dude who blows up the balloons to let you suck in all the helium in the helium tanks. Proceed to buy bag of feathers and freak cashier out with your cape, toilet paper strands, and gluey arms. When you get home, the glue will have probably hardened, so you better put some more on there. Then cover the glue with the feathers. You're on your way!
To Infinity and Beyond[edit | edit source]
Yes, soon you will become just like Buzz Lightyear! Not like Tim Allen, though. Man, would that suck..."The Santa Clause 14: Jerking Off to The Naughty List".