User:Gale5050/Hurricane GoFuckYourself
Hurricane GoFuckYourself was a catastrophically large hurricane, and was bigger than all other hurricanes, cyclones, and typhoons.[1] It is notable for being created after the United States made a deal with the Weather Gods in exchange for one, supermassive hurricane in exchange for never having to deal with hurricanes again, and also more notable for causing subsequent Nuclear War.
Creation of Hurricane GoFuckYourself[edit | edit source]
Just like every other hurricane, GoFuckYourself was created by African Shamans who were still pissed at the Americas for doing the whole "slavery" thing. This time, however, the Weather Gods gave the Shamans some acid, which put their Hurricane-Making skills into overdrive, causing them to invoke gods and spirits that nobody had ever seen OR heard of before, which is super weird.[2] The thunderstorm grew and swelled, beginning to spiral and drifted across the Atlantic, picking up speed. After a brief curve to Morocco, the storm was the size of your mom. [3] It moved at 59 mph as if it was running a marathon, and was nearly 2,000 miles in diameter, and had winds in the center of 800 mph. It was so big they had to invent category 40 for hurricanes, and class this storm. While at first it appeared to strike Florida, it instead curved, weakened to 450 mph(category 20), and struck Delaware. But don't worry, the entire United States east of Idaho was completely destroyed.
Initial Destruction[edit | edit source]
Before Hurricane GoFuckYourSelf was even close to the United States(although it was, it was thousands of miles across, like your mom), it terrorized Africa. Forming off the coast of Guinea, Hurricane GoFuckYourself made landfall in Morocco an destroyed every country from Spain to India. It killed almost everyone there(it killed 500 million people), and the damage was at least, $10 trillion.
United States[edit | edit source]
It then raced across the Atlantic at 59mph like your mom running for 500 pizzas, and very shortly after, it covered the entire Atlantic. At first the US was like, "Ah, this is gonna weaken." It didn't and Jew Jersey was completely wiped off the map within 60 seconds of the winds striking. Well, no wonder it is a hoax. Then one by one, the entire eastern 3/4 of the United States was wiped off of the map within the hour. And in doing so, it did over $12 trillion in damages, and Hurricane GoFuckYouself killed 270 million people. Even Phoenix saw impressive winds of 120 mph, a category 3, never before seen, and only barely remained intact, with around 100,000 people in the city dying.
The moral of the story is, Hurricane GoFuckYourself obliterated all of the United States.
Decision to use Nuclear Warheads[edit | edit source]
The United States realized that they fucked up, and that if this hurricane hit landfall on the United States, the entirety of the East Coast would be wiped out, but more importantly, it could go inward to destroy states that actually matter. And it did, as well as destroying the Rocky Mountains, albeit the winds barely calmed, from 300 mph to 140 mph. Many of their nukes were destroyed, although many survived, in an area oddly not affecting by the storm.
Aftermath[edit | edit source]
Unfortunately, due to the placement of the eyewall of the Hurricane directly above Cuba at the time of the nuclear orders, and the fact that Cuba is (or was) still a puppet state of the U.S.S.R., missiles were launched into the storm, and flew at the storms direction until striking Omaha, Nebraska. This caused nuclear war between the United States and the U.S.S.R. which killed 3 billion more people and did $27 trillion in damage. Most of this was in Asia and Africa as everything else was either too far away or destroyed.
Records Broken[edit | edit source]
Hurricane GoFuckYourself is a notable for being like every other Hurricane ever, but bigger. Add 50 to every single record you've heard about Hurricanes, and those where the records that Hurricane GoFuckYourself broke.