User:Ferric AlFerrous/Article about stuff
Useless Gobshitte[edit | edit source]
“Do not needlessly edit pages! Violators
willshould beprostitutedprosecuted!”
The term useless gobshitte is a loosely defined term on Uncyclopedia. For the most part it is defined as someone who contributes pointless edits to articles with no redeeming value whatsoever. Sometimes these edits are so bad that they get reverted but often times they slip through the ever present admin and devoted users' net of stupidity mostly because nobody cares enough to fix it.
In the News
(stolen without permission from the Unsignpost pressroom).
About vandalism:
Vandalism
By Magic man
Vandalism is on the rise. I know it, you know it, the admins know it, even I know it (and so do you). Vandals that come out late at night, vandalizing for hours on end before finally being banned by an admin. Being reverted only by a small group of users including myself. It probably started with the all-caps-vertical-orange-bars-vandal. What can we do about it? There had been discussion about giving some non-admin users who get on around those times banning powers. However, that was struck down quickly, mostly because it was impossible. There had also been discussion about just protecting the whole site from IPs (I’d provide the link to those forums, but I couldn’t find them. So you’ll just have to imagine what it looked like in your head). That however was also struck down because it would take way too long, and isn’t really in the true spirit of a wiki. So we should probably start with QVFD, VFD, ICU, ban patrol, and just reverting edits. Rather than going bat fuck insane. So please, go vote on VFD, QVFD something, place an ICU on a crappy article, report a vandal, and revert some vandalism! But for god’s sake be helpful! We’re not paying you to stand around.
"Actually we're not getting paid at all" -Spongebob
"That's what I said- We're not getting paid and that's final!" -Patrick
"Okay we'll just [edit] around all this stuff" -Spongebob
"Good- just don't pay me." -Patrick
Acts of Useless Gobshittes[edit | edit source]
Many of these despicable acts blur into one another but they have been isolated (for the most part) in order to recognize and explain them better.
One-liners
One liners in articles do have the potential to get a chuckle every now and again but they are to be used sparingly. It's like poking a sleeping Grue; once, twice, maybe even three times is okay but too many will wake said Grue and it will eat you. If you don't like Grues, then kindly notice the piece of mistletoe fixed to my dorsal side just superior of my posterior.[1]
Stupid Jokes
“In Soviet Russia, article edit you!”
We've all heard and seen these jokes somewhere on the internet. References to "Ur mom," Chuck Norris in any way, shape, or form (especially his "facts"), russian reversals, or "in-jokes" that are out of context (anything having to do with Benson, Grues, Flying Spaghetti Monster, Oscar Wilde, or Kitten Huffing) are just some of the most common pieces of poop found strewn throughout articles. A sprinkling here and there is fine and sometimes encouraged but 8 shovel-fulls of cruft piled into one article will make editors want to drown you in your own piss. Seriously it's annoying.
List of Crap A small list is fine in a page. Some pages depend solely on lists because that's what the page is about and in certain cases this is perfectly fine. Other pages, on the flip side, contain or are entirely made up of huge, needless lists and are total crap. Moral of the story: stay away from lists. Examples of terrible lists:
- What you did last night
- List of stupid things
- List of people Oscar Wilde hates
- List of stupid users
- List of Chuck Norris 'Facts'
- Conversations that girls have
- People that have done "ur mom" (would be too long anyway)
- List of random things
- Things you don't want to be when you grow up
- People Satan has possessed (past or present)
- Things seen after huffing a kitten
- Bad pick-up lines
Crappy Pictures
Pictures are a major part of any article and not having any makes it seem empty (see Nihilism). This does not mean that, in order to compensate, crappy pictures should be stuck in here 'n' there. This includes but is not limited to stick people, pictures of you or your friends, random pictures with stupid captions, and most things done in PaintShop.
Adding Templates Templates have the potential to give an article a nice little touch[2] of humor. However, articles that rely heavily on their templates and lack in any redeemable content are usually considered terrible. Gobshittes insert these random templates anywhere and everywhere they can when they
 Seriously.
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think they can get away with it. One could easily start a drinking game with this problem- click "random page" and every time there's an obnoxious template on the top of the page, take a drink, read the article (optional as it probably will be terrible), and repeat. Continue until you fall out of your chair, voting for Obama seems like a good idea, you pass out, throw up, or get bored- whichever comes first.
Poor Grammar This isn't exclusive to edits; pages that are written using poor grammar piss the hell out of the Grammar Police whom are then obligated to rewrite the section using correct grammar.
Randomness This is basically the dumping ground for everything else that doesn't fit into the other sections. These tend to be a majority of the edits made on Uncyclopedia it seems. [Citation not needed at all; thank you very much] Remember: just because you can edit a majority of the articles on Uncyclopedia doesn't mean that you have to do so.
Consequences of being a Useless Gobshitte[edit | edit source]
Contrary to popular belief, there are actually consequences for the actions of idiocy. In Greece, Italy, Tennessee, Mississippi, and most parts of Texas the punishment for being a useless gobshitte is repeated sodomy with a hooked pole but only for repeat offenders... Otherwise these are the most common:
Editing Reverted[edit | edit source]
Admins and registered users that have a shred of dignity will sift through the page's history and figure out what's been done to make it terrible and then revert it with a single button click. Certain pages provide a certain amount of satisfaction while doing this. One example is the gay page, which fairly unimaginative useless gobshittes can and do insert random stuff just because they think they're funny by messing up the gay page... in all actuality it just shows how much of a douche-boner-machine you are... kind of like how many facebook applications you use.
Raging on your Talk Page[edit | edit source]
If you are an actual registered user, then you probably have a talk page that's not just the default garbage from when you joined initally. This is a perfect place for a particularly pissed off editor or author of a good page to rage on the user for being an idiot. Unfortunately, since this is the internet, users (like me) are unable to reach through the screen and whack the person over the head for being such a twat. This also prevents anything biblical from happening such as---but not limited to---pulling hair, rending of flesh, tearing of garments, burning alive, drawing and quartering, multiple amputations, and biting. If a return volley of rage is fired by the ragee, what used to be a single bought of rage could deteriorate into an all out flamewar although the ragers must be skilled in the art of rage else the war will end quickly... possibly in a ban.
Ban[edit | edit source]
Sometimes if you're an overly obnoxious gobshitte you can get banned for your actions. These bans can be temporary if it's a first offence or, if the admin is:
a) feeling over sadistic/power hungry
b) suffering from a severe case of hemorrhoids inflammation from taking it last night
c) a dick
d) all of the above
they might ban your account or i.p. permanently.
Any or All of the Above[edit | edit source]
Unless you're a particularly stupid useless gobshitte, you should realize that multiple consequences are a distinct (and likely) possibility for being a dolt online. Excessive vandalism of a user's prized article while they were offline for an extended time will likely result in reverts and raging if a talk page exists. Excessive vandalism of multiple articles watched by dedicated users will definitely result in a revert action followed likely with a ban of some size, shape, or form.
The 40 Kilobyter[edit | edit source]
Articles come in various sizes depending on their topic and therefore the amount of potential material. Some articles can be as long as a book and be hilarious, connected, and still somewhat realistic the whole way through. Others though that are as large as <insert large dick comparison here> that don't have that potential consist mostly of inconsistent, incoherent nonsense or long, dry descriptions that should belong on Wikipedia instead of here (see South Park). Crap can be edited out of articles but when there's so much material to go through, it is a tiresome task for even the most dedicated no-life individual. Sometimes it seems as though the only way these articles became this bad is through the work of Satan and his minions wrecking the pages intentionally. When this happens, the best course of action is, unfortunately, VFD and start fresh.
Awards[edit | edit source]
Currently Uncyclopedia has an award for the Most Useless Gobshitte given out each month and each year. It is somewhat unclear to those whom are not part of The Party's inner circle if this award is actually serious or if it's just a joke between users within the community. The description could have been sporked, but this is the link to it right here.[3]