User:Dr. Skullthumper/MyPlanet Professional Edition
MyPlanet Professional Edition is the most recent upgrade in the MyPlanet® line of products, which brought you such hits as the Basic Natural Disaster Package, EasyFlood™ and EasyFlood™ Plus, and the ever-popular InstaPlanet™ Creation Workshop ("you give us a week, we'll give you a world").
MyPlanet Professional introduces the technology that allows for mass control over worshipers, while still remaining the holy, caring, personal diety that you are. We put the "mass" in "mass customer service". Never again will you have to outsource personal pleas to other minor gods and have them smite the wrong person or perform a miracle in the wrong third-world country. Never again will you feel like you're missing out on some really funny prayers as you save an innocent child from starvation. Never again will you fear taking a nap lest an antichrist rise up and destroy all the hard work you've done. Professional Edition takes care of these worries, doesn't take up that much space in your home universe, and is even color customizable.
Features[edit | edit source]
Professional Edition comes with many new features that will make even the most old-fashioned diety want an upgrade. Get out of the old kill-a-goat-for-a-prayer days and into the new generation of mass service. Your subjects are always upgrading, why not you?
Random Revelation Generator[edit | edit source]
Getting a message across to your loyal subjects can be difficult nowadays. Instead of huddling together in quiet churches, they worship small deathboxes and wear headphones that make it all the more difficult to communicate. But fear not! With the Random Revelation Generator, you can spread your Good Word around the world until someone gets it.
- Make lighting carve your message into a subject's forehead!
- Deliver it directly to their iPod!
- Encode it as subliminal messaging in their favorite movie!
- ...and more!
No more will you have to send those lazy angels down to hammer a message into some thick-skulled human's head. Gone are the days of carefully picking and choosing each epiphany for maximum effect. With Random Revelations, you'll get that information down to your planet in no time at all.
Appliance Control[edit | edit source]
A handy feature to have if your civilization has progressed to the point where it relies on its appliances.