User:Apple the Great/Diversity

“Well, I could be wrong, but I believe diversity is an old, old wooden ship that was used during the Civil War era.”

~ Ron Burgundy on Diversity

What is Diversity?

Diversity is, as Mr. Burgundy correctly states, an old, old wooden ship used during the Civil War era, of immense speed, armament and power. Militarily it is the equivalent of the Flying Dutchman, the Yamato and an Imperial Star Destroyer multiplied by three (though this is, for the record, less powerful than the Death Star). It is postulated that the only things that can defeat Diversity is Death, a Death Star and The Man. Less commonly known is that Diversity is still sailing and attacking countries, organisations and Gentlemen's clubs, costing the world billions upon billions of gold coins. Lefties, Hippies and politicians will tell people that Diversity is a good thing; but this is only to cover up the amount of money they spend rebuilding after Diversity has brought down everything that was ever good. The truth is that Diversity is probably the only thing keeping the world from World Peace, because Diversity is often the difference between two countries.

What does Diversity do to things?

Diversity attacks anything and everything, and in many cases there seems to be no benefit whatsoever, only needless rebuilding, often at considerable expense. Diversity attacks everything to destroy it in its homogenous form, so that it is rebuilt in such a way as to promote differences. An example of this is as simple as the workplace. Once upon a time, only men were allowed to work, unless the job was demeaning, in which case women or slaves could do it. Diversity sailed in, and attacked this institution and destroyed it. Working was rebuilt with women and slaves included, and this has led to many men being unemployed, and the introduction at massive expense of female and coloured peoples' toilets. Other results arising from the rebuilding after an attack from the Diversity include allowing poor people to vote and mobility ramps for disabled people who work, even though they are disabled.

Why does Diversity attack things?

It is currently unknown why Diversity attacks things. Some people think it is a Liberal conspiracy to take over the world. Oscar Wilde suggested the Diversity Paradox - theorising that Diversity, because it is different, attacks things that are homogeneous so that everything will be different, therefore everything will be homogeneous. To put it in layman's terms, Diversity is shit, and attacks everything to make everything else shit. This can't be proved however.

Does Diversity bring any benefits?

This is a highly subjective question. Gays, women, lefties, left handed people and those who hunt drop bears say yes it does, but they can never be more specific and give details, instead giving vague statements that can't be proved, e.g. "people are happier now". It should be noted, however, that these people are wrong in ever aspect of their lives and can't be trusted or used to provide a valid judgement. Doctors, Mr. McDonald, Rupert Murdoch and Jesus have all spoken out against Diversity and these are the kind of people who should be listened to.

Famous attacks made by Diversity

• 3rd Century AD Attack on the Roman Empire - paved the way for Barbarians to enter legions. Rome fell in the West shortly after.
• The Workplace - Diversity has victimised the workplace, attacking it again and again so that now the honest man has to work with [women]], black people, Retards and Americans. Productivity and achievement have both tapered off in the last century.
• Democracy - Diversity attacked democracy, blowing away property owners' rights and allowing Poor people to vote.
• Society.