User:Apollo1758/project7

One of the less obese lineman to play in the NFL

Lineman are ridiculously obese players who can't catch footballs if their life depended on it. Lineman are ridiculously slow, and the average lineman runs a 9.6 in the 40 yard dash or gets so tired they can't finish it. Lineman particularly enjoy getting laid on their back by other lineman, and it is considered a gesture of respect to get laid on your back by someone else. Lineman have a tendency to get tired easily and give up easily during the times your team needs to score to win the game. This is especially true when the quarterback is black, since the lineman know that the black quarterback could outrun the defenders even if the lineman didn't feel like blocking.

Salary of lineman

The average lineman in the NFL makes $850,000 a year for taking up space on the football field and drinking about half of the contents in the Gatorade cooler, and is guaranteed at least 4 months of vacation per year. There's an example of some people who are overpaid!

Types of lineman

Offensive lineman

Offensive lineman are fatter and more massive than defensive lineman, and commonly weigh over 400 pounds. Offensive lineman shout curse words every 3 seconds in an attempt to offend defensive tackles. There are three types of lineman: centers, guards, and tackles. Centers must grope the football between their legs until the quarterback takes it away from them, and guards and tackles must make sure the defense doesn't interfere with the groping process.

Because offensive lineman are so dimwitted, the referees must monitor them to make sure they don't commit dumb penalties. Offensive lineman are not allowed to tackle. Offensive lineman are not allowed to hug defenders before the ball is snapped, yet commonly cause false starts by doing so. Offensive lineman also aren't allowed to run downfield and make out with defensive backs. Whenever the offense messes up on a play, it is the offensive line's fault. The average offensive lineman can't read or write and has an IQ of 53.

Defensive lineman

Defensive lineman are more slim and athletic than offensive lineman, since they need to find a way to squeeze in between the sweaty bodies of the obese offensive lineman. The job of defensive lineman is to expose the stupidity and laziness of offensive lineman. Defensive lineman use many tactics to outwit offensive lineman, such as asking them what 2 plus 2 is or telling them they dropped their pocket. When these tactics are successful, the defensive lineman get to lay out the quarterback so hard, the quarterback must be carried out in a body bag. Defensive lineman also enjoy attempting to rip the running back's balls out when the running back isn't doing a good job of protecting them.

Enemies of Lineman

• Referees
• The weight room
• McDonald's
• Weight loss diets
• Commercials which advertise weight loss diets