Uncycloversity:Rejection Notice
ADMISSIONS DEPARTMENT
Uncycloversity
c/o Uncyclomedia, Incorporated
123 Junkies Alleyway
Jacksonville, FL 32451
United States of America
Applicant
From Somewhere on the Internet so shady the police won't even patrol it
Physical location unknown (our I.P. tracers are on it)
Dear Applicant,
Thank you for your interest in Uncycloversity. After reviewing your application and weighing your qualifications against those of many other qualified applicants, we have come to gain a better understanding of you as a person – which is why we regret to inform you that you, as a human being, have no redeeming value. You are such a complete fuck-up that you can't even get accepted into a fake university that runs off the back of a wiki (in Florida, of all places). Not only are you so unqualified you cannot spell your own name, it has come to our attention that you are quite possibly the worst candidate we have ever seen. So congratulations!
The Board of Admissions cannot help but take issue with the fact that your reading level matches that of a special-ed third grader. Your standardized test scores are off-the-chart low, and the Board is baffled why you filled out the "your age" section with a date and the "date section" with your penis size. (After all we are an inclusive institution that accepts students of all shapes and sizes and could care less how small yours is.) While you aren't the first person ever to fill out an application not with a 2.0 lead pencil as requested, we never expected a candidate would use a jumbo-kindergarten washable crayon. You my friend, are a fucking retard.
We sincerely wish you all the best of luck in your quest to actually take the first step towards educating yourself to the point at which your intelligence equals that of a volcanic rock. We even more sincerely wish that you'll simply go away and never return again, given that your IQ level is irredeemably low. Just leave us alone, that is all we ask of you.
This might also be a good time to remind you that your $1,000 application fee is non-refundable. Sorry about that.
| cc: | Jimbo Wales |
| Just about Anyone Can Get In University |
THIS UNIVERSITY IS A STUB - YOU CAN HELP BY WRITING THE COURSES
Quasi-Featured Article (10 March 2013)
