Inclusivity

Inclusivity is the ancient Chinese art of being able to count up to one, the inverse of which is no one. Seemingly trivial, mastering this skill immediately places you among the rich and famous though in a subsidized way. Conversely, being bad at it will forever associate your kind with the title of bigot.

Achieving inclusivity

Inclusivity, unlike mayonnaise, is a matter of objectivity which does not suffer any misinterpretation on the part of the practitioners and requires at least a master's degree in not sucking at mathematics. A way to ascertain whether one has been inclusive is by checking if no one is left alive to talk about it, which could otherwise lead to you and your family being canceled.

Examples

Good

Billy Bob has been a good boy. He did play nice with his little comrades. No one was left aside. He is inclusive!

Bad

Jennifer did not get some on the pretence that she runs too fast. Billy Bob cannot be inclusive. Fucking Jennifer!

The James Webb controversy

World-renowned Space Nazi James Webb, who destroyed the birth planet of the E-Wokes in the Dagobah system, was in 2022 at the center of a controversy concerning his newest weapon of mass histerization. Rumor has it that it might just be a malfunction but its tendency to target the gay makes it somewhat difficult to sustain such allegations. Because E-Wokes worship inclusivity it is believed that James Webb may have intentionally canceled their planet.

In media

With the advent of Teh Internet, streaming platforms broadcasting movies on the network began to diffuse societal messages. Although the young, the gay and the disabled tend to confuse societal matters and political ones, enforcing "the message" did little to improve the social distress in countries like America where the shit show was at an all-time-high. Aware that normal people would inevitably realize that, the Inquisition decided to reprogram those unfortunate souls by creating a political bureau (or politburo) which would bash "the message" into the head of everything that does not walk with a dildo in its anus. The tool destined to convey this "message", named The Pravda, was released under the guise of a family-friendly streaming service advertised as Netflix.

Social Justice Warriors

Social Justice Warriors (SJW) are among the most creative in terms of innovation. We owe them essential things like the square-shaped wheel and the crease-resistant concrete parachute. But one of their greatest feats is the realization that it is possible to achieve inclusivity by eliminating whiteness entirely from the universe with a simple method. For example, on Earth, instead of painting the snow in black, you can simply cancel winter and snow altogether! That said, it is unknown what would be their reaction if we were to find out that the first extra-terrestrials to come visit our planet had a pale skin. Now concerning terrestrial albinos, the problem seems to be already solved with the practice of abortion. As a result of their hatred for everything white, they are unable to store blank pads of paper, which force them to inscribe random gibberish on each page upon purchasing said pads. This operation can take them between four and six hours, though the cleverest of them automate the process with a printer.

Capitalism

Under the pressure of consumerism, inclusive people started to investigate the ethics behind some famous brands like CIA, Lockheed Martin and Pampers. After some shocking revelations on how illegal extra-terrestrials were enslaved to manufacture toilet bowls, they decided to take the fight further and expose the multinationals responsible for non-inclusive mobile phones. This led to one of the biggest genocide our civilization has ever known. Every time someone suggested that mobile phones were evil, even if he was part of the inclusivity movement, that person would end up eviscerated. Ultimately, after a few billion deaths, the matter reached consensus and a campaign was launched against evil phones.