This super-secret page contains tools for use by Uncyclopedia administrators only. If you are not an admin, please close your browser NOW.
“STOP READING THIS IF YOU'RE NOT AN ADMIN! AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T READ ANY FURTHER THAN THIS QUOTATION!”
Article deletion
{{coin}} This tool is used as the first step to decide whether to huff individual newly-created article stubs on sight:
- heads
- deface
- tails
- delete
- edge
- nominate on VFH
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TAILS
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Editing and page protection
{{card}} If an article survived the previous step, decide here how to deface it beyond recognition:
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and:
- Clubs - club the user into unconsciousness
- Hearts - take 'em and break 'em *blush*
- Spades - shovel some more rubbish in there
- Diamonds - sell 'em out to the highest bidder
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Random bannination
{{die}} This tool is used to decide the fate of individual editors on Uncyclopedia after randomly trashing their fine contributions:
- - ban user for life and revert all posts
- - arbitrarily ban user for life
- - ban user for some random duration and go back to sleep
- - replace user's posts with SCRATCH! GROUNDER! swearwords
- - seek out and and revert all of user's edits
- - ignore user completely and maybe they'll go away
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Featured article
{{slots}} This tool is used if any text is left intact, to decide whether to nominate what's left of the article for VFH or VFP:
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Nominate for VFH
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Nominate for VFP
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 or 
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Just kidding, go ahead and ban user forever!
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Misc cabal actions
{{Chess}} Instructions for interpretation are on Admin Secret Form E-317a, pages 17-338.
| A non-admin user is always represented as a white pawn. Admin pieces are black.
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| If surrounded by pawns, user has been PWNED.
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| If surrounded by rooks, user must go to jail. Go directly to jail.
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| If surrounded by knights, user has been SLAIN and fed to dragons.
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| If surrounded by bishops reciting last rites, user is to be blown back to Gosh.
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| If user is surrounded by queens, s/he is to be handed over to the fashion police.
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| If user is surrounded by burger kings, would you like fries with that?
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If all else fails
Ban the user for vandalising a protected page. Seeming as though you have (almost) absolute power, no-one will ask how the user managed to do this in the first place.
This super-secret page contained tools for use by Uncyclopedia administrators only. If you are an admin from some other site or a spy from **censored** and you read this page anyway, oh boy, you're in for it, eh?
