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User:SysRq/Dishwasher

I think HV was gonna do this one for meh. Thanks in advance. I wrote this in a couple days, cruising for another feature. Yes? No? Mebbe? Help is appreciated. ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUN • WotM • RotM • AotM • VFH • SK • PEEING • HP • BFF @ 18:00 Jun 6

Yup, I'll take this one (for once!). Just going to go eat a Chinese, then I'm all on this. ―― Sir Heerenveen, KUN [UotM RotM VFH FFS SK CM NS OME™] (talk), 6/06 18:02

Humour:	7.4	Right, I'm going to start of here by saying I've done the Images first, then the concept, then the prose and the humour last. Anyways, onto the review: Opening: -6- - Yes, I know I'm stealing Cajek's template, but I can't improve on it. This has a very good first line of a start, a very good ending sentence and the best opening picture on Uncyc. What it needs is a bit more description in the middle of the two sentences – try and make it about five lines long. It feels as if its lacking a bit of substance right now, although the picture distracts from it somewhat. Anatomy of a Time Waster: -9- - Nothing much wrong with this, it's really starting to become good. This is one of the better examples of how to use a list, too. Especially like "Using a dishwasher, if it can even be called a washer of dishes, couldn't be simpler ". A couple of fragments could be more direct, such as "After the dishwasher claims it is finished pretending to wash dishes, or whatever it does in there ", which feels a bit washy, but no real complaints here. History of the dishwasher: -7- - Not as good as the previous section, but still rather good. It doesn't really fit in length wise with the rest of the article, but it's good for that, as its a more concise section. Very good line: "after studying the secret plans, began producing dishwashers again ". The second section, I'll admit, I wasn't quite clear on, what with my lack of knowledge of American households, but I could see where you were coming from. This could do with having a paragraph or two more, as it doesn't feel quite as fleshed out as it could be. Good things about dishwashers: -10- - Brilliant. Stunning. Glorious. Adjective. This section is one of the best sections I've ever read on here. Honestly. It builds up a little slowly, but by the time you get to the dialogue, the reader's extremely engrossed, and the ending is bloody brilliant. Shame it's not the actual ending. I honestly couldn't improve this if my life was on it. It's that good. Notes: -5- - I like notes/references sections at the end of encyclopedia-style articles. Since this isn't one, however, I don't think it quite fits, and they take away from the brilliant ending here. Just my opinion, ignore it if you want.
Concept:	8.5	We need an article on dishwashers. Obviously. And just a normal encyclopedic article would have got a seven from me, as that's my baseline for concepts. This goes much further though, with a steep build up to what is a very good ending, like I'm going to say in about ten minutes (like I say, I'm doing concept before humour). I especially like the manual labour > dishwasher angle in the start bit of "Good things about dishwashers", as well as the brilliant first picture (You're finding out that I really really really like that image). Very good concept, but it does follow a tried-and-tested formula in a way (reading it, it seems almost El Jek like).
Prose and formatting:	9	Almost perfect. Almost. The only thing I can fault you on is the lack of emboldening of the first mention of the title. Everything else is brilliant (you may want to consider <small>ing the references, but that's it). Image formatting is especially good, such as that fucking brilliant first image with the perfectly short caption.
Images:	9	Abso-fucking-lutely brilliant. I normally don't score above seven for images, as I don't feel they are usually that much of a push-on for an article. However, I'm making an exception for that first image here: Best. Image. Evar. Seriously, it takes your attention away from the too-short lead to the point where you barely notice the rest of the article. I like the other images too: concise, to-the-point, with bloody funny captions. Great job.
Miscellaneous:	8.5	n/a
Final Score:	42.4	This just needs a little bit of touching up in the content application, and it'll be more than good enough for VFH. Hell, it might pass in this state, since VFH is slow right now (hell, it was slow enough for me to get a feature!). Just needs a little bit more substance and a longer lead. Also, the best use of images I've seen here, with that first image (also, I've succeeded in mentioning that image in every review section). Great work!
Reviewer:	―― Sir Heerenveen, KUN [UotM RotM VFH FFS SK CM NS OME™] (talk), 6/06 19:04