Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/User:Pig House/RuneScape
User:Pig House/RuneScape[edit source]
I've been working on this for a while now. I had this reviewed back in Feb, but since then, I've improved and expanded it based on the feedback I received. I'm now hoping that it's good enough to go into mainspace, and I'll be requesting that if the review is positive.
Thanks.--
The House of Pigs everyone hates me... 15:51, 7 March 2009 (UTC)
It has improved. Since I already sent my input I will let someone else do it. But you don't request to move it into Mainspace. Just copy and paste it into RuneScape. It most likely won't get deleted. ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 18:14, 8 March 2009 (UTC)
- It would appear that RuneScape is protected, so an admin should be asked about it. -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 20:00, 8 March 2009 (UTC)
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Mind you, this tree is taken! Pee Review In Progress This review is the property of: -- DameViktoria  - (Contribs) - (Talk) - (Block log)
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| Humour: | 6 | The jokes do not exactly elude me, but the tone of the article currently is more like a boring history account without the analytical tone of encyclopedia articles. I'm not 100% sure if you intend it to be such, but it'd be a good start for you to read it through again and try think about what to improve on. |
| Concept: | 8 | I could have given you less, but it did make me smirk to think about an online MMORPG community as a communistic "nation" of sorts, where free speak is limited. It often is. |
| Prose and formatting: | 5 | I do not have as much a problem with the prose (rather good English, coming from a reviewer whose third language of about five French is...), as I am by the formatting. It could use some de-cluttering. Mainly the information box "Prune Scape" could use an <align=right> tag, as most pages like this have. I'd also either remove the Russian Reversal or the Crimethink templates. It gets cluttered, thus visually less appealing, thus harder for a pair of tired eyes to read.
One thing that bothers me, though I am not in the right if you listen to most English teachers in the UK, is the punctuation, as in, too, many, commas, that, interrupt, the, train, of thought in sentences. It might be just me, though, but think about where you'd have a natural pause when speaking, and you'll get a better flow to the text... You can ask for help from someone on the article's talk page if you feel like needing a hand with any of those, or submit it to the Grammar Nazi League. Most of us don't bite. (Okay, so Luvvies are notorious for love bites, but shhh... don't tell anyone ;) I'd suggest considering to restructure the article's sub-topics a little more logically. |
| Images: | 7 | Not bad, I'd just want to see some balance and tidifying up of the image layout on the page, possibly reconsidering their order a little and possibly the size of some of them. A good visual gag is worth about 684,2 words, but not if it's too small to see... |
| Miscellaneous: | 6.5 | All in all, the concept and images give you a slightly better score, I'd give the overall structure of the artile (sub-topics are a tad cluttered or otherwise in illogical order) a lower score, if the text itself weren't actually quite well done. With the reservation of it not being quite funny enough to get more than a smirk out of me. |
| Final Score: | 32.5 | The top of the article is mightily cluttered, and could use some tidying up. That's my perhaps #1 concern. If you manage to clean it up and make it one that is pleasant to look at and the text flows more smoothly, it'll be a little more of a joy to read. Right now the article is perhaps a little dry, but not dry enough to be high brow humorous, since you don't seem to be trying to go for the slapstick kind of laughter. |
| Reviewer: | -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk) Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - Perkele! 13:19, 15 Mar
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