Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/User:Captain Nerd/phr33 st00f pl0x

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phr33 st00f pl0x[edit source]

User:Captain Nerd/phr33 st00f pl0x Tell me what I could improve before I release this article into Uncyclopedia -- Grue Jammy.gifCaptain Nerd(Talk)Grue Jammy.gif

Don't worry guys. I got this one JackOfSpades (talk) 19:39, 9 May 2009 (UTC)

Make sure you get to it in 24 hours. Saberwolf116 19:58, 9 May 2009 (UTC)

Humour: 1.5 This might seem funny to anyone that has ever played an MMO and got pestered by low-level players for free stuff. However, there just isn't enough content for this to be actually funny. You avoided being merely random, and that's good, but that doesn't make up for the fact that you have one joke that you just used different words to say. I would recommend writing another section or two on how some people "play" the game simply by asking and trading for things. Maybe show the contrast between people who play this way and people who actually play the game.
Concept: 2 This doesn't seem to be a topic that lends itself to parody. In my opinion, anything that is in "leet" speak is already self-mocking and doesn't need someone else to point out how stupid it is. On the other hand, if you stay away from the leet speak and instead focused more on the people who ask for free stuff rather than the thing that they say itself, I could see this becoming a much better article. However, if you don't want to change the topic then I think you need more on RuneScape "slang" than just the "free stuff please." Maybe a section on how a transaction/conversation might take place?
Prose and formatting: 3 Formatting isn't bad, but the prose needs a lot of work. Even though the article was on leet speak there were parts that used it when it wasn't necessary. This made your article hard to read. A general rule is that article should be written as if they were an actually article in an encyclopedia. Obviously there are exceptions, but I would recommend that style because the topic is one that would never show up in an encyclopedia. In order for your article to sound encyclopedic you would need to take out the leet speak from all but the quotations of players and make sure you never say "noob" but instead use "new player" or "new user" etc.
Images: 2 As of now there is only one image. The image itself isn't funny and the caption seems awkward. I think that you should get more pictures that aren't screenshots of runescape. For example you can ask for a picture from the photochoppers around here. One that I think would fit would be a "cycle" of how items are transferred, but without it connecting to itself (so the last stage is the noob quitting because he didn't get enough stuff or something along those lines). However, before you can get too many pictures you need to expand the article.
Miscellaneous: 2.1 Averag'd
Final Score: 10.6 The handy little preview button tells me you got a 10.6. Don't let that discourage you though, this could become a good article. Maybe not VFH worthy, but definitely good.
Reviewer: Jackofspades.png (talk) 21:15, 9 May 2009 (UTC)