Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnScripts:A Nazi children's film
UnScripts:A Nazi children's film[edit source]
Scofield & 1337 08:50, July 18, 2011 (UTC)
| Humour: | 5 | Please don’t be too discouraged by the score, I feel this article has huge potential.
You’re quite brash with the humour over all and, like I’ll get to later, the article feels rushed, none of your jokes get the time to mature before you’ve moved on. In the latter half of the article there aren’t that many jokes, it’s just Henrik completing his mission and getting bummed by Hitler. Keep writing and don’t worry about how long it get’s that’s what editing is for, besides it’s surprising the amount people will read (ok so I never got to the end of it but...). Bit’s of it are shocking and that can be enough for a quick laugh but it needs a little more, which I think comes down to the fact you need to refine and develop the already good concept because the start was good, it feels like you had a plan for the first couple acts and then just wanted to finish it (which is what a few of my articles have been known to suffer from). |
| Concept: | 8 | The concept of Nazi indoctrination propaganda is not original but I haven’t come across it much myself and I found the idea really funny. It certainly has the shock factor but it can be more “high brow” than that if you take your time with it (Mitchell and Webb did a great sketch where they played too Nazi officers having a discussion about wither or not they were the baddies).
What I think you need to do in order to make your concept more clear and therefore bring out the best in your article is take a little bit more time with the prose, be a little bit more subtle. And remember the movie is a children’s movie, and not Band of Brothers: Nazi Edition (though that could be good too). You could have Disney-ish (or hell actual Disney) Characters saying horrific pro-Nazi stuff. Like you could make the plane more of a character, all innocent and bubbly but like “hey lets incinerate some Jews”. Without meaning to be too self promotional I wrote this and what I think people liked about it was a treated the zombie apocalypse like the elephant in the room, spending a great deal of time ignoring it. You could do something similar with this, you’ve got a basic rags-to-riches story here but you’ve got Nazis too, so play it a bit more straight and let the racism surface occasionally for the laughs. Just some ideas like. |
| Prose and formatting: | 6 | Your prose is largely fine, there are a few typos and things but the main problem is that it feels rushed. Which I’ve explained above.
Really good formatting, it looks like a proper script. |
| Images: | 7 | Your images are fine, as far as I’m concerned (to me the prose is what should matter most) however the zombie pop idol one feels out of place and kinda jars with the rest of the “old timey” ones you have. If you’re any good at photo-chopping you could probably take a zombie pic from any proper zombie movie (or, even one of the old Romero ones) give it a beard and put a black and white filter (or whatever it’s called, I’m not a photo-chopper) over it.
Just a small thing, I think it’d look better if you centred the final image. |
| Miscellaneous: | 6.5 | (Averaged by wizard)
With what I’ve said above I suspect this will need quite a bit of re-writing but if you have a clearer image of what you want to achieve this could be great. |
| Final Score: | 32.5 | If you’d like to thank/insult/ask me about any of this please visit my talk page. |
| Reviewer: | Orian57 Talk  07:07 3 September 2011
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