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A Nazi children's film is part of
The UnScripts Project
Your personal Shakspearian folio of humor, love, woe and other silly emotions
Here's a translated screenplay for one of the several children's films that were produced in Nazi Germany. For those of you who only know Hitler by the Holocaust, let me tell you that Germany was actually a prosperous and huge country under his reign. It's just that not everybody could rejoice in said prosperity because of Der Fuhrer's....erm...preconceptions about what a REAL German should be like.
It's a dreary, raining night. A bloated woman, groaning all the time, knocks at the door of a humble hut. An old man who presumably resides in the hut opens the door, and gasps in shock.
Old man who presumably resides in the hut
My dear Anna! What has happened to you!
Anna
O Father! My brave soldier of a husband got me pregnant, but was then defeated by a bunch of Jewish Retarded Assassins! Somehow I survived, so that I could hobble over to you and force you to deliver my child!
The nice little hut where the savior of Nazi Germany was born.
Anna's Father
I shall most definitely help you, my dear! Of course, I can only hope that this child is a boy, otherwise we won't get a savior who'll protect us from the Jewish Retards!
A dramatic but heavily censored delivery scene takes place, with Anna's screams resonating across the hut. A baby is born, and very surprisingly, it's a boy.
Anna's father
It's a boy! Jewish Retards, prepare for your downfall!
Fancy opening credits follow.
Anna's child, named Henrik Potar grows up to be a tough, yet blond and blue-eyed child, who excels in pretty much every subject at school, and is an extraordinary boxer with formidable physical strength. A few years later, he grows up and voluntarily decides to enter military school. The day finally comes when he has to pack his bags and leave.
Anna
Look at my boy all grown up! Now he'll go to military school because he actually wants to become another tool used by Der Fuhrer in his insane dream for global domination! I'm so proud!
Henrik
(arrives)
Goodbye, mama! I would say that I'll miss you, but being a Nazi officer under Hitler's command will just have to be so awesome that I won't ever have to give a shit about you once my military service begins!
Henrik was not just another face in the crowd, although we must thank the crowd for adhering to Hitler's disturbing whims.
Anna's father
Oh, is Henrik leaving for military school today?
Henrik
Yes I am, grandpa! Hey, what are you carrying with you?
Anna's father
Oh, it's nothing you should be worried about. (tried to leave hastily, but Henrik manages to see what he's carrying)
Henrik
Oh my Fuhrer, it's a copy of the Old Testament! Grandpa, how could you!
Grandpa
(breaks down)
I had no choice, son!
They made me do it!
Suddenly, a bunch of haggard dudes wearing kaftans and having abnormally large beards magically break into the house. They then begin approaching Henrik and his family, all the while moaning and drooling like zombies.
Henrik
Oh my Fuhrer! JEWS!!!
The Jews zap his mother and grandpa with something, turning them into retarded zombies as well. However, Henrik smashes something made of glass on the floor, conveniently distracting the Jews, and allowing him to escape.
This is what a Jew looks like, minus the abnormally huge beard.
Henrik
I must reach the Gestapo office immediately!
Henrik runs out of the house, only to find the entire town deserted and in shambles. He then finds himself completely surrounded by Jewish retarded zombies.
Henrik
Oh no! The Jews have taken over my hometown!
The Nazi choppers. Conveniently arriving to save our heroes from certain doom since 1939.
Suddenly, all the Jews are shot down by a military chopper with the reverse swastika symbol on it. The chopper descends towards the ground, and Henrik sees another blond and blue-eyed guy in military uniform beckoning to him. Henrik climbs into the chopper.
Henrik
What's happened to my dear town?
Soldier
This town was hijacked by Jews who came in pretending to be traders. Your townsfolk made the fatal error of actually trying to be friendly with them.
Henrik
Oh my Fuhrer, what were they thinking?
Soldier
They thought that they could be nice and try to convert the Jews to another religion. Needless to say, they were wrong.
Henrik
Of course they were! Once a Jew, always a Jew! And there is only one way to deal with Jews. Eliminate them all.
Soldier
Oh my Fuhrer, he was right!
Der Fuhrer just loves children. And reciting prophecies.
Soldier
Der Fuhrer! Once those filthy Poles and Brits had declared war on us, he had told us warriors that someday we would find the One. The One destined to cleanse our nation of all Jews and bring eternal prosperity to the REAL Germans once and for all!
Henrik
Let me guess, I am the One?
Soldier
No, I am. Kidding!
Henrik and the Soldier arrive in an uber-cool military base. Uber-cool by 1940 standards, anyway.
Soldier
Henrik, it is your destiny to annihilate all Jews from our empire.
Henrik
But how do I do that?
Soldier
A few months ago, we discovered this plane (points to a cool plane). It contains a magical gas that is capable of disinfecting the entire German Reich. However, nobody knows how to fly it. But since you are the One, you will.
Only the One could bring this fabled plane to life.
Henrik climbs into the plane, and it miraculously comes to life.
Plane
O for so long I have waited for you to sit in my cockpit, Henrik! Now we can finally cleanse our beloved nation!
Soldier
But you'd better be quick, Henrik. The Jews are planning to cast the "Torah, Torah" spell and take over the world in about 2 hours, which is approximately the time it's going to take for you to reach the Jewish village of Retardia where they plan to launch their attack.
Henrik
No! I will not allow the Jews to take over the world! I WILL NOT!
By his sheer willpower, he manages to launch the cool plane at a supersonic speed. In less than 10 minutes, he arrives at the village of Retardia.
Henrik
Launch the gas, my plane!
The village of Retardia, before and after Henrik's assault on it.
The plane releases the magic gas, which causes the retarded Jews to gag, puke, shit themselves, and die. Henrik and the plane cheer in victory, when suddenly, the plane is hit by a stone randomly thrown by a retarded Jew, forcing Henrik to make an emergency landing.
Henrik
No, Plane, no! Stay with me, stay with me!
Plane
Heil, der Fuhrer! (dies)
Henrik
You fought valiantly, my dear plane.
The retarded Jew who threw the rock at the plane approaches him like a retarded zombie.
Henrik
You! You destroyed my plane! You infected my country with your retarded Jewishness! DIEE!
Retarded Jew
Blebleblaargh! (gets shot dead by Henrik.)
All the possessed Germans snap out of the evil Jewish spell they were put in, and Adolf Hitler successfully takes over the world. He then throws a special honorary bash to commemorate Henrik for destroying all the Jews in the world, and for being blond and blue-eyed just like how a REAL German should be.
Hitler
And here's a toast to Henrik Potar, the man who freed our world from Jews forever! Hail Henrik!
Henrik
Thank you, der Fuhrer! It is such an honor to be praised by you!
Hitler
No, thank you my son! If it weren't for you, the Jews would still be carrying on with their lives, and our enemies might have actually stood a chance against us in war. But thanks to you, Germany has found its rightful place in the world, which is essentially all of the world! You are a son of Germany! You are a son of the Reich!
Hitler goes and gives Henrik a dramatic bear-hug, even as huge round of applause are heard, and dramatic victory music plays in the background. The camera then tilts upward to show the Nazi party symbol i.e that swastika below. THE END.
