Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnNews:New game in Burnout series causes gamers to crash into everything
UnNews:New game in Burnout series causes gamers to crash into everything[edit source]
I finally got off my ass and wrote an idea i've had for a while. Tell me what you think. Any thoughts or ideas are greatly apreaciated. Lieutenant THEDUDEMAN Dude ... Totally UOTM KUN GotA F@H 01:57, 2 March 2008 (UTC)
| Humour: | 7 | Humor is nice and consistent. I didn't really laugh out loud at anything, however, but that may be just because I'm not really a fan of Burnout. (or racing games, for that matter) But let's try to stay focused here. While the explanation about the game is a good way to get non-players (like me) "up to speed" (get it? alright, enough parenthesis interjections.) on the features of the game, which are essential to the joke, it kinda goes on just a little bit too long without so much as a chuckle. Eh, I take that back. "...And million of game dollars worth of damage." was a good one that I did smile at. But after that nice joke at the beginning, it seems to drop off into boring game features and such. I would try to talk more about the adverse effects of these features on the unstable minds of gamers.
Another thing that kinda stood out to me was this line. "One teenager even said 'We would much rather have these looney gamers put behind bars than taking guns to school.'" Perhaps separate this from that quote and change it to "'We would much rather have these looney gamers taking guns to school than driving.'" Then you can have the rest of the quote as being from another teen. The interview was okay, but it wasn't really laugh out loud funny. It seemed to write itself a check that it just didn't cash. The setup is there, just not quite the substance I was looking for. Overall, the humor in this article is around adequate range. It's funny, but not particularly so. |
| Concept: | 7 | This was an okay concept. Pretty original idea, since this combines something that is frequently in the news (concerned parents and other behaviorist fuckheads complaining that games are bad for kids) with some pretty fresh flavor. You had your spin and you stuck to it throughout the whole article. Can't really complain about that. |
| Prose and formatting: | 7 | Your tone is fine, but you need to proofread it, as I found several errors. But I really wanted to pick at the last part, your interview. The UnNews reporter doesn't maintain a didactic, professional tone, which I would think is important. With UnNews articles, I think it's best to stay professional and formal, leaving the interviewee to provide the contrast, resulting in your humorous scene. Something to think about. |
| Images: | 7 | The images were adequate for this article. I don't think you can really ask anything more from the images, although you could definitely increase this score by getting some cool car crash picture with a game controller hanging out of the window of one of the cars or something. I'm not really impressed by these images, but there's definitely nothing wrong with them. |
| Miscellaneous: | 7 | I guess I'll still use the {{Pee}} template, even though the average is obviously 7. |
| Final Score: | 35 | There's your review. I think this is the first genuinely average article I've ever reviewed. Sorry if the score isn't nearly as interesting as the amount of time it took me to get around to doing this review. I think you knew that I was busy with other stuff. But I hope this helped, I thought it was a great article overall. Nice work. |
| Reviewer: | ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUN • WotM • RotM • AotM • VFH • SK • PEEING • HP • BFF @ 06:07 Mar 2 | |