Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/The Kansas City Shuffle
The Kansas City Shuffle[edit source]
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This article is under review by <font-weight:bold>Gerry Cheevers. Sayeth Gerry: shotgun!! |
i will now commence reviewment of The Kansas City Shuffle. if you desire a review for Fort James as well, please make a separate pee review page for that article.
| Humour: | 4.5 | average of humor scores
your intro is one sentence long, and all it states is that the kansas city shuffle is a dance move. it's not nearly humorous or informative enough. expand the intro, it is perhaps the most important section, as a good intro captures the reader's attention and makes the reader want to continue reading.
not too bad. but you don't give any info on who leeroy is. you should explain this in your intro, mentioning leeroy and his relation to the kansas city shuffle. the rest was rather okay; the jousting bit and things like that were not too random as to be bad.
you kind of tail off into randomness at the end. the beginning was better, with the description of the actual dance, and the reference to lucky number slevin was good (i went to the wikipedia page), but if the other quotes are actually from the song, they went over my head. if the song has relevant lyrics, put them in the article, or make a separate article and link to it. |
| Concept: | 5 | 3/5 points for subject; nobody knows about this, and it may not be 'ripe' for parody, but it can be done.
2/5 points for execution. be more consistent throughout. if the dance is used by ninjas, treat it as dangerous all the way through your article. if you pick another route, start in the intro and incorporate it into every part of the article. |
| Prose and formatting: | 5 | your article is just blocks of text. you don't have any categories or nearly enough links. your grammar and prose were just okay, check out UN:PS for help with that. |
| Images: | 0 | no images! some ideas for images include: someone dancing, a shot of malcontent (i'm imagining someone who looks like ali g), and a ninja. |
| Miscellaneous: | 3.7 | averagized. |
| Final Score: | 18.2 | my preview button tells me that your final score is 18.2, placing this article between 'probably VFD/NRV' and 'might be VFD/NRV/rewrite'. however, you got hurt a lot by having no images, and fairly bad prose & formatting. fixing this stuff up will help improve your score. as far as the article itself, i think you should make it longer. throw in more sections, like famous uses of the dance and likewise. i recommend reading HTBFANJS often, especially just before you work on your article. i think that this can become an adequate entry with some work. if you need further assistance, you can contact me on my talk page. |
| Reviewer: | 17:44, 13 August 2008 (UTC) | |
- Nice review Gerry. I did add a picture to the article myself a while back, but the author removed it with a rather rude comment. My best advice to this author would probably be to try being a bit nicer to other users. Doing so will make people more inclined to help improve this article. And... Yes my friend I did read the article, and agree it was not a "perfect" picture, but it was a hell of a lot better than nothing. I suggest you find what you think is a good image and add that using the syntax I showed you. Good luck. MrN
17:52, Aug 13
