Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/The Bourne Pottery Class

Main

Current

Reviewed

Archive

Guidelines

FAQ

Committee

RotM

The Bourne Pottery Class

Feedback plzzz!! --THE 23:59, 9 June 2008 (UTC)

I don't even have time to finish the page right now, but I think it'd be funny if you included something about how the movie is filmed, what with the whole shaky camera thing, and how it amplifies the intensity of the pottery classes. Just a thought... - Don Leddy the Crunch (Nyah, see, nyah!) 00:02, Jun 10

Assuming I'm reading TLB correctly, me do review? ~~Hv 12/06 18:17

Do it and see if you get banned. If not, you read correctly. Unsolicited conversation Extravagant beauty PEEING 18:50, 12 June 2008 (UTC)

Humour:	7.2	Section by section review coming up! One thing I'm saying now though: That plot spoiler really messes up the flow of the article. Just pointing that out. Introduction: -6- — This is the weakest part of what is otherwise already shaping up to be a very solid article. The quote "one of the most thrilling depictions of ceramic plate-making ever put to film " is a very good sign for the article. However, I feel you could put a little more into this, possibly a place emphasising Led's idea? Possibly. Plot: -8- — Being by far the most in-depth of your sections, this was always bound to be one of the better ones. "Our pottery scenes are 100% real " is pure brilliance as far as I'm concerned, and other lines such as "He runs after it in a three second chase scene that ends with the slip splitting in two " have a very good effect. To improve this section, I feel you could maybe over-dramatise the part where he is painting and glossing - this feels a little underdeveloped. Great section though! Production: -7- — This is alright, feels a little weak compared to the Plot section though. This section symbolises the entire article in a way - you have some great stuff, you just need to flesh it out some more in order to make it feel more complete. Things you could use: Why did he feel it was time to make a film adaptation? And why was it his favourite in high school? Excerpt: -7- — Feels a little out of place in style, but still funny. It starts off a bit droll, but reading on that's to set up the joke, so its acceptable. "Bourne bends over to tie his shoes. The camera violently spins around as he does so, magnifying the almost unbearable tension & suspense of the scene. " is an epic climax to the build-up, well worth the wait. Only thing I'll say to improve here is to add a couple of jokes earlier to help the reader along a bit. Reaction & Rating: -8- — Very nice section. "This is a new type of filmmaking, in which the camera shakes so much that you can't make head or tail out of what's going on. But you assume that something is happening on screen. I liked the opening credits, anyway " is the best line in the article for me, and I honestly don't see how you could improve it. Great job!
Concept:	9	I really like this concept. Satirising very boring topics to have exaggerated meaning/laughter has always been an article type I've liked, and you've pulled this off superbly. Definitely got a lot of potential.
Prose and formatting:	9	As good as you'd expect from a multi-feature author. The only thing two things I can comment on here are that plot/spoiler template (maybe it just {{choose}}'d a very long one for me?) and you're inconsistent capitalisation of "PG-13". Other than that, perfect as far as I can see.
Images:	6	There's only one, and it's a bit weak. This is one that I feel you need to rely on captioning, as I'm not sure you can find a properly funny picture from this. Maybe a picture inside the pottery class? But yeah, a good caption would be necessary.
Miscellaneous:	7.8	n/a
Final Score:	39	I like this. I like this a lot. I just feel with a bit more fleshing out it could be better than it is, and possibly VFH. Hope this helps!
Reviewer:	~~Hv 12/06 19:05