Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Spirited Away
Spirited Away[edit source]
Rewrite of a shitty article that desprately needed a rewrite, Review greatly appriciated. --NXWave 23:46, 10 June 2007 (UTC)
| Humour: | 4 | Don't get me wrong, it has a couple funny moments, but they are too few and far between to make this page relevant. |
| Concept: | 7 | OK concept, but you could really do A LOT more with this one. |
| Prose and formatting: | 1 | See that button at the bottom of the keyboard? Down there, between the "," and the "/"? That's a period, typically used to end a sentence. This article needs more of them. See endnotes. |
| Images: | 6.5 | Don't get me wrong, a lot of those pics were pretty funny, especially the captions. But, there were way too many, and your page looked like a real image slut. Go through it, and take out the ones you dislike. |
| Miscellaneous: | 3 | Needs serious work |
| Final Score: | 21.5 | See endnotes |
| Reviewer: | P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon  (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 00:53, 11 June 2007 (UTC)
| |
Endnotes[edit source]
On humor: Always remember, totally random almost never equals funny. You have a few ideas, I can tell, but the Jack Bauer theme needs a bit more....structure. Read UN:HTBFANJS, if only to get ideas for humor, and check out the pages on VFH as well.
On Prose and Formatting: ........OK, here goes. First, take a look at this introduction.....sentence?
"Spirited Away (24季節6の下検分映画\Preview of 24 Season 6) is an action/drama/comedy/romance/real-time thriller movie that was animated by a Japanese studios in the little island of Nunavut, The movie was intented as a demonstration of how awesome 24 Season 6 would of been but director Kiefer Sutherland (who's confidence has been exceled due to him gaining $50 million by doing 2 more seasons of 24) and Hazio Miazaki decided that they needed more money and it couldn't hurt so it was released overseas on September 12, 2001, 1 day after 9/11, The movie was released to critical phrase and critism and made a lonley $150,000 counting twords most of the chart (most of them were 24 fans)"
Did you read it? OK. First, did you notice anything? Right off the bat there's quite a few errors in spelling and grammar(press the edit button and they'll be underlined in red, that makes 'em easier to fix). Also, there are no periods. Not even one. I think you may have put commas accidentally, and were too lazy to back up and fix them. Don't be lazy. Good articles are hard to make, and the more effort you put in, the better they'll be. Also there are no section headers. If you look at the pages on VFH, they all have a few big black words in them. At the top of the edit box, there is a button that says "level two headline" and has a big "A" on it. This button is your friend. Use it to introduce the next section of text. I can tell you're a bit new to editing the site, so bear with me here, as this seemed pretty complicated to me when I was new, too. So, to recap:
- PeriodsPeriodsPeriodsPeriodsPeriods(No run-on sentences)!!!
- spelling and grammar. If you want, the kind folks at Ceridwyn's Comma Brigade will help you out there. Just give them the page. If I feel nice after this, I might do it myself.
- Headlines(Remember, the toolbar is your friend)
Images: Just delete 1/4 to 1/2 of them and you'll be fine-many of them are extraneous, use your own judgment.
And lastly... Keep At It!!!! Great pages take work. Reread it, and look at it for yourself! You'll see what you like and dislike, and be able to make changes accordingly. As always, good luck P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 00:53, 11 June 2007 (UTC)
PS: I AM feeling nice.
- Well I added some periods and I'm currently thinking of adding more to the plot like when the Russians and Muslims join forces and plan two attacks at the same time but Chihiro Ogino can only do one thing at a time and is not a Jack Bauer.
- I'm also thinking of what's going to happen to that Assault team they sent out, I'm thinking of sending Chihiro with them, That way to mock the nuclear explosion in Season 6, Mainly I'll try to fill in plot holes. --NXWave 23:31, 11 June 2007 (UTC)
Great jod so far! It's good that you have ideas, getting ideas is the 2nd toughest part. THE toughest, though, is being hard on yourself. Don't be afraid to delete parts of the page that YOU find unfunny, because if you don't like it nobody will. Again, good luck. P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 03:00, 12 June 2007 (UTC)