I got slightly stuck on this. Any expansion ideas would be welcomed. In-depth review is, as always, appreciated. ―― Sir Heerenveen, KUN [UotM RotM VFH FFS SK CM NS OME™] (talk), 31/05 21:25
- Sycamore is reviewing your article, in this boring period of waiting enjoy Noel with this free coupon:)--— Sir Sycamore (talk) 11:47, 2 June 2008 (UTC)
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A Free Coupon
For a bumming session with Noel Fielding
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| Humour:
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6
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Pretty strong start, well written. Subsequent sections I don't think are as well placed or well formatted as they could be.
- Introduction: Very good start, however the underlying S and M allusions that could be made here could add to the humour value here. I also think you’ve gone on a bit of a rant and the introductory section could be shortened-the intro should sum up rather than explain
- 1st section: Pretty alright, Maybe a little more history, maybe a phony ancient Greek Mythology which would broad the interest. I also think that you could bring in the British class system more explicitly as a parody of this. I think that the tournaments and competitions should be merged here- to add to the traditional feel of the page
- 2nd secion: Example of individuals is lacking here could help add other humour. I also think a lot of the humour is too subtle and some more implicit allusions to various activities could be made- similarly this section is incredibly short, when it is one of the most important, more examples globally could help. If you merge competitions but add the various different ones that have continued today here you have a the possibility of a lot more diversity within the article, Slapdash in Brazil or France where there could be more humour value
- 3rd:Short with poor picture-I would as I mentioned earlier merge this with history, if you have 150 yea member ship, then the institution is very historical, and you could explain how this has continued to present day internationally in the "Slapdash today" section. I don’t see this one as being a terribly good section; It ad little to the humour value from you initially strong start
- 4th: I would rename this something more like 'Game play' or 'method' or something more old school, the title seem a little out of keeping- Its very short and looks a little tacked on at the end, I think a lot of the introduction could be moved here an the section should probably be the first section; explanation of this one is probably one of the more crucial aspects to improve your article
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| Concept:
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6
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A reasonable if a slightly dead end topic. What I like is the nice well written fairly gentle humor your using-however the way you've handled it in the form and content has made it seem very closed in and perhaps a little too UK centric. This could change without any great loss-maybe ask Cajek or one of the American writers for an equivalent game to allow a greater appreciation amongst your readers. I like the whole traditional feel to the article-maybe you could kind of lead though the history to the varieties at the end of the article.
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| Prose and formatting:
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8
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Very well written- to improve here I suggest merging a couple of sections. I would add the links (I'm guessing you're gonna do this anyway when it's loser to being finished). Quotes from practitioners/players of the sport may also help-having a human face to the characters is likely to improve the articles accessibility. Obviously you could kind of have a kind of master Alumni character similar to the guy form Dodge ball as the head of 'OOSS'-Its just a thought to bring a diversity and wider interst as well as improve the access to the topic.
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I once played slapdash with my husband during out pleasant trip to the lido; later on I was Ravished and Spanked senseless later by my dear husband for not allowing him to win
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There are a few minor errors like 1990's instead of 1990s. I also think there been too generous use of brackets which does not really add to the article, similarly it detracts for the well written prose. Paragraphs are often a large; this is something I have a habit of doing, however I don't think it is something to get into the habit of doing unless your past help (like me)- I would shorten them and tighten it all up.
No categories/See also/Footnotes/External links: You tend not to use these however I think they help with the articles I personally write and I would consider there use.
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| Images:
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5
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The first one is pretty good, the second one does not seem to fit too well, it is too narrow and adds little if any humour value. I like the black and white and I would keep this traditional look within your article; it fits with the prose
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| Miscellaneous:
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7
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Again another very strong showing-I think based on this review that it could be a feature, however already I think the article is funny and a very well written-I think, although I don't want to jump to any conclusions, that the current trend is to fire them out a bit-I would however spend the time with this one as it's very god and I think that when finish will easily be VFH standard
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| Final Score:
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32
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Good stuff-I hope my review has helped;)
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| Reviewer:
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--— Sir Sycamore (talk) 11:17, 3 June 2008 (UTC)
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