Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Hyper Text Coffee Pot Control Protocol
Hyper Text Coffee Pot Control Protocol[edit source]
The first part of my May Day holiday trilogy. It's amazing what Special:Random will get you on Wikipedia (Honestly, they have an article on this). 4/05 17:20
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PrIP'd! Pee Review In Progress Checkit bitches, this review is as good as peed on. I'm marking my effing territory. Said article is being reviewed by: ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUN • WotM • RotM • AotM • VFH • SK • PEEING • HP • BFF |
This looks like a job for...someone else. But I'll do it anyways just to spite them. ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUN • WotM • RotM • AotM • VFH • SK • PEEING • HP • BFF @ 23:11 May 4
- Dang. Do a good job on this, SysRq. Heerenveen spent a long time updating The List. • <May 04, 2008 [23:20]>
- I've noticed. Consider this my "thank you" on behalf of the rest of PEEING, HV. You've been doing a great job, nice to know there's at least one Lister who actually...does some Listing from time to time. ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUN • WotM • RotM • AotM • VFH • SK • PEEING • HP • BFF @ 23:25 May 4
| Humour: | 7.5 | The humor could be better in my opinion. This article is funny as is, but I feel that you could get so much more out of it with a brilliant concept like this one. Let's start with a couple of highlights. "...Ruining their hourly coffee, in extreme cases giving them the terrible affliction of sleep for the first time in decades..." was a rather strong line right there in the opening paragraph, which I liked. It established a good tone for the rest of the article, which was nice and consistent with this image you've just created of coffee drinkers being nothing more than a minority of jittery, nervous sociopaths. Then you bring this up in other instances, like "...for a caffeine junkie...it had to be exactly 6.656% milk." which is good and consistent. It makes for good comedy, and it makes for good writing. Good job.
I also liked your bit about how "...the pot had conformed to all of the HTCPCP's regulations, many of which had no relation to serving good coffee." While it's sorta "in your face," it's also quite funny. Great line. As for where I think you should improve, I think you should revise this section. It seems to be your weakest and most confusing section. Call me ignorant, but I don't think Antarctica has a very prevalent coffee pot industry, nor does it have good trade agreements with many major economic powers. Fix that up to make it a little less random. That section starts out pretty strong, but it quickly sinks into borderline random humor. It just needs a little TLC. |
| Concept: | 9 | Fantastic concept. You didn't stray too far away from the real thing, which was good. The first thing I did before reading your article was read Wikipedia's article, as well as this (which I feel should be linked to) and I almost shit myself. I never knew this existed. That's what makes this such a great concept: it's real. Great job sticking to the original idea while taking some creative license with it.
I guess my only real complaint here (even though I'm giving you a 9 because I liked it so much) is that this concept can be a bit tricky for the non-technical among us to navigate. It took some effort for me to wrap my mind around it, myself. It's no reason to change anything; obviously not all articles can be written for everyone. But perhaps some effort could be given to better explaining this rather ridiculous concept while staying very accurate and faithful to the truth, which is a great angle to have. |
| Prose and formatting: | 7 | I noticed several grammatical errors. You could also try rearranging/splitting up some of your sentences. There's some really weird comma usage errors that would easily be solved by just breaking up sentences. Formatting seems okay, everything looks rather lovely here so I can't complain too much in this section. Just give this a good reading through with comma usage in mind. I think I also remember making a mental note of some weird subject/verb agreement in one sentence, but now I can't remember what it was. I usually print these out so as to make notes on them, but some commercial about electric cars was playing in the background and all of a sudden I felt really bad for trees and all that shit. |
| Images: | 6.5 | Images are good as they are. However, it seems like it's just begging for one more. To cite the Wikipedia article, "418 - I'm a teapot: The HTCPCP server is a teapot. The responding entity may be short and stout." THAT'S your other image. A teapot would make for a great third image to fill this article out, break up some text, and add a ton of humor value to it. As far as I'm concerned, a teapot image could be the difference between VFH and Quasi. It needs it. It needs it bad. Perhaps you could give the image its own section, talking about all of the different errors (like the Wikipedia article does) and stick that in there as a good one liner, and then have the image merely reinforce it to score some more giggle points. I think it's a necessary image for this article. |
| Miscellaneous: | 7.5 | Avg'd. |
| Final Score: | 37.5 | This is pretty hilarious as is. But I wouldn't send it off to VFH just yet. Give it a nice polishing first, then again. Follow my advice, ignore as much as you like, and then send it off to VFH. Don't bother with a resub, that sort of bureaucracy is unnecessary and a real time waster for an article that's this close to completion. I trust your judgment just go for it when you're ready and you know I'll have the #2 vote. |
| Reviewer: | ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUN • WotM • RotM • AotM • VFH • SK • PEEING • HP • BFF @ 00:58 May 5 | |