Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/HowTo:Fix a Guitar

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HowTo:Fix a Guitar

Please help me spot the overused in-jokes and maybe give me some tips.

Realturka 17:21, 12 April 2008 (UTC)

PrIP'd! Pee Review In Progress Checkit bitches, this review is as good as peed on. I'm marking my effing territory. Said article is being reviewed by: ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUN • WotM • RotM • AotM • VFH • SK • PEEING • HP • BFF

Humour:	5	Okay, so the first thing I want to do is identify the in-jokes that need to be ix-nayed. Fast. Power: ON. Engaging Anti In-Joke Photon Blasters. Let's do this. Multiple contacts. Target acquired. Russian Reversal Russian Reversal has no place on this wiki anymore. It is an abomination of God. You need to remove anything resembling Russian Reversal. Especially the quote you have at the top. It's not even grammatically correct for Russian Reversal. Grues/Eurgs Also not funny anymore. No one plays Zork anymore, we don't care. A single instance of "eaten by a Grue" in any article automatically destroys any chance that article may have of passing VFH. Multiple references to Grues can only increase your chances of VFDification. Chuck Norris Come on. You should know better than that. Chuck Norris is not funny. It's an overused joke we are currently trying to eradicate from Uncyclopedia. Chuck Norris doesn't play the guitar. He doesn't fix guitars. So why is he mentioned in this article? Your mom Yeah, I think I found a link to "Your mom" in here somewhere. That page needs to be CVP'd or something. Nothing good will ever come from a "Your mom" joke. Nothing. We don't care. We know you've really never met our moms. It's not clever or original. Destroy these. All of them. This should be the first thing you do. In fact, stop reading this right now. Go delete every single one of the aforementioned "in-jokes" before we get to the real article. Because using these "jokes" just isn't real writing. I would much rather you get this out of the way so that we can focus on your actual writing for the rest of this review. Surprisingly, you've still managed to come away with a five. I say surprisingly because I'm not done picking apart this article. I don't really like the FAQ section at the end there. You've simply hit on the very few guitarist jokes in the books: G strings and fingering minors. I've been playing guitar for 9 years, so I know what I'm talking about when I say that those are the only two guitarist jokes. They're very dull to readers who do play guitar and know what you're talking about, and they're very very vague to readers who don't play guitar and have no idea what you're talking about. This section was an okay way to end this, however it elicited no smirks/giggles/laughs from me. Maybe that's because I work at Music and Arts and not Guitar Center. =/
Concept:	5	I found the concept to be rather poor. It's incredibly unoriginal. What I took away from this is that the author is an inexperienced guitar player trying to look like an expert. It's a little overdone. People often find it hard to write about guitars, since it often degenerates into constant references and puns that few will understand. I would recommend a total rewrite of this article. Try actually providing information on fixing a guitar. Of course, it'll be ridiculous advice, and I'm sure you can come up with plenty of good jokes for that, but a simpler concept like that may be a little easier to write. Another idea would be to make this a first person article. Picture this: it's some 16 year old kid's first day working at Guitar Center and he gets a customer who comes in needing him to restring it. The dialog subtly reveals that the employee actually has no idea what he's doing, and seeing as how his manager just left to pick up some Wendy's, he's just gonna have to wing it. Perhaps he ends up taking the guitar completely apart, reassuring the customer that this is all "basic guitar care". Feel free to use either of those ideas.
Prose and formatting:	3	Gahh. Your formatting is ghastly. This is a pretty ugly looking article filled with multiple line breaks, sad excuses for wiki markup, and dreadful picture placement. I don't really know where to start. You need to spend a lot of time making this article look pretty. Say NO to double line breaks. One is all you need. Use proper bullets there in you FAQ section, that's really bothering me. And you have some bad capitalization/other grammar no-nos throughout the article. Please fix them, my OCD grammar Nazi self can't bear to look at it in its current condition.
Images:	6	Your images are adequate. The caption on the bass player image was cute, even though I was a little upset about you using an image chopped for another article. Some original choppage would be nice. The Kirk Hammet photo also had a nice caption, and was pretty appropriate for an article of this nature. But my main recommendation in this respect would be to get some original stuff in here. Come up with one or two image ideas, send em over to image request (or chop em yourself) and replace one or two of the existing images.
Miscellaneous:	4.8	Avg'd.
Final Score:	23.8	This looks very much like a rewrite. At the risk of sounding mean (which I never intend to be in any of my reviews) I'm going to stand by my conviction that there is nothing redeemable about this article. Don't bother saving anything, just get to work on a new one. Sure, this is passable enough to where it won't get deleted for now. But it's not really going anywhere like this. And I don't think this article can really go anywhere else. I would say this deserves a rewrite. Good luck, and happy writing!
Reviewer:	sirsysrq @ 19:20 Apr 12