Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Don't Eat The Yellow Snow
Wrote this out of the requests page. Tried to do something fun with it.--Striker2117 04:24, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
Don't Eat The Yellow Snow[edit source]
Striker2117 04:24, April 27, 2010 (UTC)
- I'll see if I can do this tomarrow probally around late in the evening. Anyone else is welcomed to review this, but if its still here by tomarrow, I'll give a shot.--
Director
WILL
YOU 333 04:05, April 28, 2010 (UTC)
| Humour: | 8 | It was kinda of a “meh” than a “lol” I shall explain further.
‘’’Beginning:’’’ Come up with a better beginning than what you currently have. You should add a name to the person who wrote (do not say Chuck Norris or Jack Bauer) and say something better than saying it’s simply horrible and it pisses people off, Say something like, “the play failed miserably at the box office and got negative attention from both critics and viewers” You should also give a short summary about the play, so they can get at least an idea about it. ‘’’The Play:’’’ I think this section needs to follow the “don’t eat the yellow snow” theme. Like I said above, it should have an adult telling them not to yet they do it anyways and learns a lesson ‘’’Characters:’’’ The problem here is that is this section should be before the Play section. ‘’’Criticism:’’’ I think this section is ok, yet add a little more words and such to make this seem better |
| Concept: | 5 | Well, I have to say this is an interesting subject, yet the execution of it was a real down play. It seems to be a cross between a regular article and an UnScripts. I think you got a good concept but you did not manage to get to the point you want it. Preferably, half of me say turn this into an UnScript article, and the other half of me says just change a few things around. If you just want to make this like any other plain article, then the first thing to work on is the placement of the sections. I highly suggest you put the ‘’’Characters’’’ section before ‘’’The Play’’’ section. Reason for this is because it provides info of the characters. I’ll explain more of the Characters section in the Humor part of this review.
Another problem is the fact the title is don’t eat the yellow snow, yet the characters do eat the yellow snow. Maybe putting a adult character who warns them not to do such a thing, yet they do it anyways and learned their lesson. |
| Prose and formatting: | 8 | Spelling and Prose is pretty good, yet there are a few grammar mistakes that you need to fix. Use Miscrosoft Spell check to find them, as I did just that to find mistakes here . |
| Images: | 10 | Good pictures, they support your article very well. Good Job! |
| Miscellaneous: | 6 | My average grade of this article. |
| Final Score: | 37 | Sorry for the long wait, had a buttload of unexpected things to do this week. Anyways, it’s a good read, but still needs work. It’s also wise to get someone else’s opinion. If you have any questions/comments, just go to my talk page and I’ll be happy to answer them. Good Luck! Cheers! |
| Reviewer: | -- Director WILL YOU 333 21:53, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
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Review now