Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/21st Century Nazis
User:Optimuschris/Work in Progress[edit source]
Still needs some pictures photoshopped, and obviously needs links. I'd welcome any suggestions for a suitably horrid act to replace the Irish raping punchline. I'm not sure if it would work better with a non racist beastly act instead, but I couldn't think of anything ghastly enough off the top of my head. --OptyC Sucks! 
CUN 17:13, 5 April 2008 (UTC)
OptyC Sucks! CUN 17:13, 5 April 2008 (UTC)
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PrIP'd! Pee Review In Progress Checkit bitches, this review is as good as peed on. I'm marking my effing territory. Said article is being reviewed by: ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUN • WotM • RotM • AotM • VFH • SK • PEEING • HP • BFF |
| Humour: | 8 | Fantastic job. Of course most of the humor comes from the positive writing style you've employed, but that's perfectly valid. It was sure funny, and that's what counts. I want to be sure to point out a few things that you've really done right with this article in case you do decide to make any changes, which I would not encourage. Things like "...the actions of a few bad apples..." and "...the 'College for Jew Kids' initiative..." are definite keepers. However, there were some parts that kinda lost me. Like the whole section on "our plan to implant a GPS tracking device along with a small amount of C4 explosive into the skull of every violent criminal" needs to be drastically improved or ix-nayed and replaced with something better. As of now, it seems very out of place and unfunny.
Speaking of out of place and unfunny, you wanted me to take a look at that ending. Because you specifically asked for it, I'm going to go ahead and spit out some random ideas for a new ending. Get those cell phones out, kids! If you want the Nazis to: A. Blow up the moon (it's not racist and will seem totally "out there" enough if that's what you're looking for) B. Make a giant blanket out of every calico cat on Earth (racist against certain color cats instead of people, showing that the Nazis haven't really changed but are somewhat less evil in the eyes of dog owners) C. Passing a draft bill forcing everyone into a minimum of three years service to Mel Gibson (I dunno, I felt like I had to give you three) Hope any of those ideas help at least get you thinking. I know they're not perfect, but they're what I could come up with right now. Deal. |
| Concept: | 9 | Wow, this was a great concept. With all of this talk about Neo-Nazism and shit, this is pretty refreshing. Great stuff here. I also liked the way that you set up your banter with the doorman. It's a great way to write first person articles. Sorry that this section is so short! I can't find anything about your concept that I want you to improve. |
| Prose and formatting: | 9 | Can't complain here either. The headers should probably be level two and not level one headers, but that's just me. Also, I expect that when you mainspace this, you will make the first header go away and the text right underneath it will become the beginning of the article. As far as your prose, you did a great job making your writing compliment the humor by making the tone very relaxed and upbeat. Irony is great, innit? Good job overall. Once again, this is a pretty short section because I don't have many suggestions for you. This looks like it's just gonna be a short review. |
| Images: | 6 | Ignore this section for know. I know that you said that you were waiting on some images so I just threw down a six for now to rate the one image that you do have. It has nothing to do with the number of images that you currently have down, I trust that once you have these images that you're waiting on that you'll be fine in this department. I'd like to know the nature of these images, however, since I don't exactly feel like waiting around for them to show up. (Depending on who you've got doing them, they could take forever.) |
| Miscellaneous: | 8 | Avg'd for your pleasure. |
| Final Score: | 40 | Very VFHable in its current state in my opinion. (Minus the pics of course, but you know the deal with that.) You're developing into quite the writer. This was a great read, good length, and pretty clever. Sorry for the relatively short review (other than the humor section) but I just can't see where you can really improve here. Perhaps UU will disagree with me or be better suited to find ways to improve this. |
| Reviewer: | ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUN • WotM • RotM • AotM • VFH • SK • PEEING • HP • BFF @ 19:29 Apr 5 | |