User:Optimuschris/Work in Progress

#uncyclopedia

In 1988 a widely known computer engineer named...oh, let's call him Harry Palmer scripted a program to allow him to exchange parachute pants jokes and hair care tips with his college mentor in real time. He named his program IRC for "Instant Regurgitated Crap". Thus was born one of the most important tools in modern times and an indeterminable number of years later in 2005 the most popualar channel on IRC came into being. Only a handful of people are left whose lives have not been touched by this international phenomenon and those few are scheduled for an...attitude adjustment this weekend. Of the millions of people online at any given time, virtually 27 of them are logged on to #uncyclopedia right now.

Purpose

Presumably #uncyclopedia has a purpose. Unfortunately none of the active users seem to know what it is. The original intent behind #uncyclopedia (other than joke sharing) was too establish an up to date database in order to help researchers determine why unicycles aren't as popular "as they should be". Unfortunately the tragedy of the 2006 unicycle convention killed all seven people who cared. Regardless, the recent state of affairs on #uncyclopedia leaves no doubt that the original goal has largely been forgotten or ignored. Currently the majority of discussions have been about the role religion should play in modern politics, except on Thursdays when it invariably shifts to lolcats and Chuck Norris. Occasionally someone asks "what the hell is going on here?" but this is always answered with links to anime porn. The bottom line is that nobody currently knows why #uncyclopedia exists. Except for katherine, but she's not saying anything.

Practical Benefits

THE DOLLAR SIGN GOES BEFORE THE NUMBER!

There are several reasons people are so undeniably drawn to #uncyclopedia, as varied as the white pre-teen male My Chemical Romance fans that post there. The foremost among these are to meet other people with similar interests, to find inspiration for creative projects, and most importantly to have cyber sex with other white pre-teen males (who may or may not be posing as females). However, there are numerous benefits that aren't quite so obvious. Many users find #uncyclopedia to be a fantastic resource for learning proper english. Others appreciate the cultural tips they can get from more knowledgable members (see photo). Most just like to let the world know what music is currently playing in their bedroom/study hall/prison cell. In fact, if all of the posts stating what the poster is currently listening to were removed, the remaining content could easily fit onto a three by five index card. Sharing song lyrics is strongly discouraged however.

Posting Strategies

Invariably people take on entirely different personas when chatting in #uncyclopedia. The reason for this is fairly obvious: nobody loves them. #uncyclopedia regulars try to find love by trying on different peronalities online until they find one that works. By works, I of course mean one that is tolerated by other #uncyclopedia regulars. Or at least not immediately kicked when they sign on.

Utter Lies

When posting on #uncyclopedia, some people consistantly write things that they wouldn't say in real life. They like to use #uncyclopedia to vent the random nonsense instead of muttering to themselves in the corner by the water cooler like Fred from accounting. Generally users adopting this approach only make silly one line jokes that are completely innappropriate and never add anything to the conversation. Here's a sample from a recent exchange on #uncyclopedia.

<Khmegablok>	So what should I do? I don't want to pay extra for my phone!
<ROB>	I think you should drop that service and go with Sprint.
<OptiX>	I can has teh secks nao?
OptiX	pulls out his penis.
<--|	OptiX has left #uncyclopedia (requested by Khmegablok)
-->|	OptiX has joined #uncyclopedia
<OptiX>	LOL That's liek the tiem I got thrown out of Chucky Cheese for touching teh girls.
<--|	OptiX has left #uncyclopedia (requested by Khmegablok)
-->|	OptiX has joined #uncyclopedia
<OptiX>	UR TEH GHEYWAD!
<--|	OptiX has left #uncyclopedia (requested by Khmegablok)
	Khmegablok has banned OptiX
<kakun>	no u.

In this excerpt ROB is using the "Utter Lies" technique. Sprint? Come on. On a side note, this also a good example of the powertrip almost all of the #uncyclopedia ops have developed.

Heart on Sleeve

Some users go to #uncyclopedia for the emotional support they get from their peers. Regulars tend to be very compassionate and supportive towards those in need. Many people have saved thousands of dollars in therapy bills by working out their problems on #uncyclopedia. It is a common occurrence for a request for help or advice to turn into an hours long discussion covering every aspect of the problem at hand. Some people even feel that they owe their very lives to the charity of #uncyclopedia users as evidenced by this exchange.

Khmegablok	NP Celine Dion - My Heart Will Go On
LOLSomeGhey	NP The Village People - YMCA
Rlrchik	NP Billy Ray Cyrus - Achey Breaky Heart
MrBrainpanbanger	NP The Presidents of the United States of America - Peaches
99LeadBalloons	NP Cannibal Corpse - Eat Your Mother Alive (Super Club Remix)
Stormytom	NP Dethklok - Fish Metal (For Fish)
That	NP Barney and Friends - I Love You (You Love Me)
undeadpirate	My best friend is threatening to commit suicide. His parents were killed last week in a car accident and he's seriously depressed. What should I do?
<--|	undeadpirate has left #uncyclopedia (Requested by Khmegablok) You should join him.
kakun	NP no - u

Nobody's heard from undeadpirate since. It's assumed that everything worked out okay.

SERIOUS Business

Ironically, some of the funniest people seem to remember that the internet is SERIOUS business every time they log onto #uncyclopedia. Something in their souls won't let the conversation turn silly in any way, often reacting with hostility whenever somebody tries to make a joke. Usually these people are easily recognized by their condescending attitude and SERIOUS conversation topics. See if you can spot the SERIOUS poster in the following excerpt.

Morphine	That's what she said!
FrancisJay	Did you recognize her? I shaved her back so it may have been hard.
PrintScreen	LOL hard. :-DD
OptiX	OS?
lullcat	Nah, why don't you ask Khmegablok?
Khmegablok	FU lullcat!
Styleofoperation	Back in my day we didn't use such foul language. We expressed our disapproval through a series of facial expressions and hand gestures. Then we went to work in the mines. You young folk have no idea how to conduct yourselves with any sort of grace or dignity. Also, PENIS!
LOLSomeGhey	PENIS!!!
LOLSomeGhey	PENIS!!!
LOLSomeGhey	PENIS!!!
LOLSomeGhey	PENIS!!!
<--|	LOLSomeGhey has left #uncyclopedia (Requested by Styleofoperation) Excess fail
<--|	Styleofoperation has left #uncyclopedia (Requested by lullcat) STFU!
<--|	lullcat has left #uncyclopedia (Requested by Khmegablok) I said FU!
<--|	Khmegablok has left #uncyclopedia (Requested by OptiX) Shoulda given me that blowjob.
<--|	OptiX has left #uncyclopedia (Requested by FrancisJay) You should have asked me instead!
<--|	FrancisJay has left #uncyclopedia (Requested by PrintScreen) Whore!
<--|	PrintScreen has left #uncyclopedia (Requested by Morphine) I never liked you anyway.
<--|	Morphine has left #uncyclopedia (Requested by Morphine) Or me either for that matter.
kakun	no u
kakun	Hello?
kakun	Guys?

If you guessed kakun, you are correct.

Fun Things to do on #uncyclopedia

Seeing as how there's no known reason for #uncyclopedia to exist, users have invented several things to do to entertain themselves in the quiet moments between penis jokes. Several users have been maintaing a long running online text RPG for years. The rules to this RPG are unclear to those of us that aren't involved, but it seems to revolve around a mysterious man posing as a teenage skateboarder girl and a ridiculous amount of sex talk. The man/girl appears to be acting as some sort of DM, leading a long and convoluted quest in which the apparent goal is to get as many men on the F.B.I. watchlist as possible. The appeal of this is unknown, but if this sounds like fun to you you are free to join in. Another popular #uncyclopedia pastime is to get the server staff to ban innocent users whenever possible. Here's an example of one such user getting the ban treatment.

LOLSomeGhey	Hey guys, how do I register my nick?
Oilypro	Voodoo?
LOLSomeGhey	Seriously, I need your help.
OptiX	Just type HELP! to ping a staff member. They're always happy to help.  :-)
LOLSomeGhey	HALP!
LOLSomeGhey	HALP!
LOLSomeGhey	HALP!
LOLSomeGhey	HALP!
LOLSomeGhey	HALP!
LOLSomeGhey	HALP!
LOLSomeGhey	HALP!
LOLSomeGhey	HALP!
<--|	katherine has left #uncyclopedia (requested by Charityhoe) Why won't you help him you bitch?
OptiX	It's HELP! you idiot.
<kakun>	no u.

4.Negative Outcomes(?)

5.Hostilities(?)flame wars(?)

6.Fun Things To Do On #uncyclopedia

7. Whoring...

8. Joke bans.

9. More about "not so joke bans"... Sometimes IRC power is abused more than it should be...

10. trolling. From other wiki's and uncyc people trolling elsewhere...

11. sucking up to admins

12. dating

13. failing at getting into QDB