Uncyclopedia:Featured articles/April 6

Red Bull is ENERGY DRINK. Drinking give you ENERGY. FUCK YEAH ENERGY! GRAAAGGHH! Ad slogan says give wings, but it don't give wings. IT GIVE ENERGY!! Red Bull also sell lots of cans. Lots of cans in lots of places. Lots and lots of CANS OF ENERGY! FUCK YEAH ENERGY! FUCK YEAH!

Red Bull was a drink from Thailand called Krating Daeng. Then a man from Austria visit Thailand and drank some. Better than anti-freeze he said! He got ENERGY! He say FUCK YEAH ENERGY FUCK YEAH KRATING DAENG, but also say FUCK YEAH AMERICANIZING THE ORIGINAL THAI NAME, and energy drink was renamed RED BULL for world market. FUCK YEAH GLOBAL ECONOMICS! Now whole world drinking Red Bull for ENERGY! FUCK YEAH! Made Austrian man VERY RICH and now runs faster than FORMULA ONE cars!

Some say Red Bull bad. What's wrong, PUSSY MEN-WOMEN NO LIKE ENERGY? I say FUCK YEAH ENERGY! Others say Taurine bad. Taurine not bad! Independent scientific studies show it. FUCK YEAH INDEPENDENT SCIENTIFIC STUDIES! Pussy men-women also no like caffeine. They say it cause insomnia, dehydration, and heart problems, especially in youth. I say it cause ENERGY! FUCK YEAH ENERGY! What more healthy than energy? NOTHING! (Full article...)