UnNews:Why didn't anyone tell me Ron Jeremy was in Ghostbusters?

Friday, April 6, 2018

Ron Jeremy didn't understand what the "big fucking deal" was.

SOMETHING STRANGE, Your Neighborhood -- It has recently come to my attention that, in addition to future 80s pop singer Debbie Gibson, mustachioed porn star Ron Jeremy also made a background appearance in the 1984 comedy classic, Ghostbusters. Why am I JUST NOW finding out about this?!! All I wanted to do was found out the name of the dude at the elevator ^[1], and I find out this little tidbit.

Why isn't the mainstream media all over this? Where are you, CNN? MSNBC? Washington Post? New York Times? Palmer Report? This is the news story of the century! Ron fucking Jeremy was in fucking Ghostbusters!

I caught up with Mr. Jeremy on the set of his Donald Trump porno, The Perfect Storm, to talk about this earth-shattering revelation.

"That's old news," he says. "Why are you making such a big fucking deal out of it?"

"Because," I said, "it's you, Ron Jeremy, in Ghostbusters! And I didn't know until just recently!"

"So...? What about it?"

"It's just one of those quirky tidbits I find fascinating."

"Orson Welles did the voice of Unicron in the Transformers animated movie. Why don't you go to his grave and pester him about it?"

"Because that's already a well-known fact."

"Security!"

"I have to remind myself that I was Garfield," says Bill Murray.

And so that was the end of that. Next, I put my investigative journalism skills to the test by moving up the ladder. My next target: Ivan Reitman.

"Who the hell is Ron Jeremy? Wait, that porn guy Ron Jeremy? He was just an actor working on a movie like the rest of us. Tom Hanks can't play a fat Italian Jew with a mustache, let alone one who's only on screen for about ten seconds total. An actor is an actor whether you're Will Smith or Bryan Cranston or Josh Server or Pee-Wee Herman."

Then I was able to track down comedy legend, and still one of the big box office stars, Bill Murray.

Rick Moranis threatened to call the police.

"I didn't know [Jeremy] was in Ghostbusters. Then again, I can't remember everything I've been in. Was I in Ghostbusters II? Was I in Larger than Life or Operation Dumbo Drop? Hell, I have to remind myself that I was Garfield, which will haunt me until my dying day."

Dan Aykroyd, Ernie Hudson and Annie Potts couldn't be reached in time for publication. Harold Ramis was definitely unavailable, as he passed away in 2014.

Rick Moranis told me to "go away or I'll call the police."

Slimer and the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man were also unavailable, as they are fictional characters. I didn't bother contacting Ray Parker Jr. as he worked solely in the music department.