UnNews:Union Carbide Fudge Packing Division explodes

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

9 November 2009

“This could have been prevented if preventative measures had been taken.”
~ Captain Obvious on Union Carbide Fudge Packing Division

Union Carbide employees called in for weekend work to clean up fudge material and debris in the manufacturing plant.

Bangkok Last Friday, after work hours a Union Carbide plant exploded sending material flying three blocks away. A UC International rep. made an early statement that none of the material was either radioactive, carcinogenic, or even flammable. So secondary explosions would not be expected, nor should cleanup be a health risk.

Union Carbide officials released the statement early to reduce any wide spread panic that might have been caused by the plant exploding and spewing material everywhere. "Yes we understand that hundreds of thousands of people died after our last plant exploded in India, 20 years ago." The UC worker went on to explain that that plant was older and made batteries. At this location, they only pack fudge.

The UC official also declared that, luckily, no UC employees were killed or injured. However, one neighbor's goat fainted and died.

Early investigators claim that several faulty temperature regulators on the large fudge vats failed simultaneously. The vats themselves did not explode, but oozed molten material for approximately five hours. According to investigators, when the molten material reached several liquid nitrogen tanks, used for certain quick freeze steps in fudge making, it was those tanks that actually exploded under the extreme heat. That explosion demolished the plant and sent fudge raining down on the nearby city streets.

Speculators are concerned that the loss of this one facility could cause international prices of fudge and fudge-by-products to soar. If the plant remains offline and doesn't resume manufacturing to maintain deadlines for the holiday season, a severe worldwide fudge shortage could persist into July of next year or next month.