UnNews:UnNews writer can't top reality

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

3 February 2007

This caused the greatest lockdown since 9-11. No, really.

OKLAHOMA CITY, Oklahoma, United States. An UnNews writer fell into a horrible depression as he realized that absolutely nothing he typed could possibly top what he read on CNN this last week.

"I mean, good God," said the somewhat unknown writer, "a lite brite with a mooninite locked Boston down in a terrorism alert. And they're blaming the people who put up these obviously harmless flashing signs. And pressing charges. They're talking about YEARS in jail for 'intentially causing a public hysteria!' When did America stop being a Republic and start being an Idiocracy?"

The user continued babbling long enough to be consoled by his non-American friends.

"That's just the way of the world, man," said a militantly left-wing admin, "you have to live in that wreched country of yours, and you have my sympathy, but really, you voted for Bush, so I'm afraid it's your own goddamned fault." The fact that the event occurred in Boston where Bush has always enjoyed an approval rating somewhere between Adolf Hitler and Osama bin Ladin seemed lost on said admin.

"You know," suggested another helpful user, "I think this is just another isolated incident, like the problems getting anyone from the government to help anyone during Hurricane Katrina or that whole Iraq War thing. Maybe you're being too harsh on Boston."

In the end, the user is considering sending a letter to his congressman officially asking that the entire ruling body of the state of Massachusetts be impeached for gross incompetence and new laws be put on the books requiring all government officials to be able to distinguish between a bomb and a children's toy before taking office.