UnNews:US work places to introduce "nap time"
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
8 March 2008
AMERICA, the World -- It's the latest trend! According to a new study by the National Sleep Association, one in every six people is napping on the job. After this study went public Monday, workplaces such as Sunshine Cab Company, McDonald's, Wal-Mart, The U.S. Postal Service, UPS, and the LAPD have introduced "nap times" for their sleepy employees. Employers will provide pillows, blankets, glasses of milk, and whatever else one may need to nap on the job.
"It's a widespread epidemic," says Wal-Mart manager Steve, 42. "We have Carl drooling all over the guitar controllers on all the Guitar Hero games. So I figured we should all nap with him."
This latest movement has upset Democratic Presidential candidate Barack Obama, who is a strong advocate for what he calls anti-sleepyism.
“Sleep is a terrible problem in this country! We Americans shall not tolerate this hideous beast we call sleep! We shall stay awake every 24/7, 365 days a year, 366 on Leap Years. Not even the shortest nap will to a person justice. This is why I strongly support anti-sleepyism or whatever Webster calls it.”
Hillary Clinton, however, supports the movement, quipping, "Aw, shut up and let me sleep for once!! Sheesh!" Other candidates have mixed feelings towards the new sleep policy: John McCain supports it, John McClane supports it, but Mike Huckabee, who recently dropped out of school, is loathe to support such a "filthy activity!" but later quipped with, "Let the voters decide that!" And Ron Paul recently stated "I have gotten so little media attention that even I have forgotten who Ron Paul is."
One may nap at any time while on the job, but must quickly notify one's boss before nodding off. Failure to do so may result in suspension without pay, or even firing, depending on the employer. Every workplace in America is expected to introduce these nap times for all to use Tuesday.
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Mike Carney "Study: Lots of American workers are napping on the job" USA Today, March 03, 2008
