UnNews:US to legalize pot
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
24 March 2010
WASHINGTON D.C. -- After a month of constant arguing in the United States Senate, it was decided on March 23, 2010 at 7:46 P.M. EST that the plant known as Marijuana or “Pot” or “Mary Jane” or “9 o’clock Mass” or "weed" will be legal to smoke in the United States, officially, as of midnight on March 27, 2010. The announcement came with mass celebrations across not only the United States, but Canada, who outlawed the substance except for medical use.
The debate over the use of Marijuana had been an issue since the 70’s when then-President Richard Nixon outlawed the substance due to “Giving kids a Good Vibe in dark times” and “Making more hippies by the minute”. His argument was that anyone who smoked Pot would give birth to a Communist-loving hippie. This was of course later disproved, along with Nixon’s report on “Death is better then Communism”.
Beginning in 1991, this 20-year legal battle finally came to an end when President Barack Obama joined the Senate and gave a speech on the usefulness and “Funkiness” of the product. Obama even revealed a 12-part plan to use the Selling of Marijuana to help boost the country's economy. His speech was followed by a roar of applause not only from the Democrats, but also the Republicans. When Alaskan senator Sarah Palin attempted to argue the agreement, fellow senators John Kerry and Samuel L. Jackson turned to her and said “Speak one word and we will skull f*ck you bitch!”. Palin, along with all other opposition in the Senate, kept quiet.
Obama announced to the public that the government is already shipping bundles of Pot Packs from the US major storage center and goes on to say that by the time it’s legalized on March 27, “there should be a pack of Pot in every store.” When asked what he believed the American people would think, the President revealed a chart showing that 15% of Americans were appalled at the decision, while the other 85% didn’t give a shit. Celebrations are expected to continue throughout the week until Saturday which Obama has declared the National Holiday called Pot Day.
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Brian Griffin "All you Need is A bag of Weed!" Quahog Times, March 24, 2010