UnNews:Topless Kate photographs outrage British Press who can't publish them

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

14 September 2012

Photo of the couple digitally altered to prevent further unwelcome publicity.

LONDON, United Kingdom -- British newspapers and magazines expressed "the deepest outrage" when they confirmed that they cannot show "intimate photos" of Prince William and Kate Middleton as seen by everyone+dog with internet access. This ban extends to anyone who typed "Tits" and "Kate Middleton" on a google.co.uk search.

Leading newspaper editors went on television channels deploring that they would not be unable to show their readers the photos "the rest of the world are having a right good look at." Admitting this would deprive people in England from looking at Kate's breasts or seeing William rub suntan lotion on her bare bottom, the British press instead have urged everyone to "take it out on the French" who allowed the magazine Look! WooHoo!! Boobs!!! to publish the photos in France. Even the Rupert Murdoch owned The Sun newspaper declined to use the photos, though they had been happy to print Prince Harry naked in Las Vegas.

A spokesman for the paper said, "It's a great shame we can't show the Duchess of Cambridge revealing a fine pair of British breasts to rival our regular models on Page 3. We instead urge our readers to target anything French in revenge, starting with their cars, restaurants and obscure films that no one can understand. As you understand, all newspapers and magazines in the UK are awaiting the report from the Leveson Inquiry about phone interceptions, police bribery, celebrity harassment... so right now, if we use photos of lovely Kate... no more nice stuff from Buckingham Palace."

Prince William is currently being peeled off the ceiling of his guest palace in Malaysia which he hit when the story and photos of him and Kate were published. William and Kate are there as part of a Royal Tour/chance to collect free souvenirs/promote Brand Windsor.

In a separate development, angry crowds in the Middle East and North Africa have gathered outside American and other European embassies to demonstrate about this "naked attempt to hijack the news agenda" away from stories about the protests against a film that "ridicules and insults Islam" (otherwise known as William & Kate:Our Holiday in Provence).

Sources

• Staff "Topless Kate" Daily Telegraph, September 14, 2012

• Staff "Unrest in the Muslim world over film about Mohammed." BBC, September 14, 2012