UnNews:The Ninja signs book deal

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

22 April 2007

The Ninja prepares to strike!

New York, New York- In exchange for their lives, Crown Publishing offered The Ninja a six figure reward as well as a book deal last week.

Dewey Dezmell, CEO of Crown Publishing, told UnNews through sobs, "The only way we could be happier with this deal is if he released our families."

The book will feature advice on how to become a better ninja for those already in the study of the art of invisibility as well as an easy to follow guide for those who wish to begin walking the path of a shadow assassin. Also included will be chapters about meditation, choosing the right weapon for your target, proper ninja diet, ninjaerobics, fashion and ancient Chinese secrets. When asked about a working title, The Ninja replied, "Either 'The Ninja Handbook' or 'Kill Better Now!'"

Still the Ninja seems a little nervous about the project, "This is a first for me. Until now, the only use I've had for books were as makeshift weapons. Heavy books like Leo Tolstoy's War and Peace and Stephen King's complete and uncut edition of The Stand are really good. You have to throw them like shuriken, but there's a very satisfying crack when the book connects to a person's skull,"

The release date of the book is as unknown as the Ninja himself. "You won't be able to find the book," said The Ninja, "If you're really worthy of becoming a ninja, it'll appear on your bookshelf,"

Shortly after the interview, The Ninja let UnNews know he looked forward to killing this reporter soon.

Sources

• Steven Zeitchik "'Ask a Ninja' duo signs book deal" Variety.com, April 12, 2007