UnNews:Sting forced to scrap "homophobic" gigs

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15 October 2007

Sting, singing about "bloody queers" yesterday whilst ironically looking like one himself!

"SAVE-THE-RAINFOREST-IOUS" UK ROCK STAR Sting (with his band The Police) has cancelled a series of Manchester concerts after students reacted angrily to his "homophobic" stage act. He (and his band The Police) were due to perform the gigs later this month. The moves (sort of) echo the backlash in Los Angeles this year after protests from students regarding the "glum" act of morose star Morrissey. He was asked to "cheer the f**k up" his show and stop singing about his dying girlfriend and "bloody Thatcher".

Sting (and his band The Police) is famous for his own outspoken anti-gay songs including "Don't stand so close to me (you dirty poof)" and the 80s No1 smash "De Do Do Do De Da Da Da (bloody shirt-lifters)". The students wanted the former astronaut to tone down his act and "stop with all the blooming queer bashing!"

One angry student, Mr Kinoop D Asshool, expressed his support at the show, "Its political correctness gone mad I tell you! Sting (and his band The Police) with their "kill all poofs" outlook is merely an expression of a valid opinion. Is this opinion less valid than that of, say, Idi Amin who ate his mother?"

"I mean, Sting is only expressing deep held beliefs through the medium of song that many of us, myself included, agree with. And what a lovely voice he has, and his eyes, don't you just melt into them when he looks at you? Don't get me started on those legs of his, so strong a wiry from all that sex-yoga he does. Oh they could oh so easily be wrapped round my torso and crush me as I thrust and thrust and THRUST AND THRUST! oooh yeah, he like it to the HILT!"

Sting was unavailable for comment after he was arrested in a public toilets yesterday for what is described diplomatically as "same sex buggery" by his spokesman.

Sources[edit | edit source]

  • every move you (SAVE THE WHALES!) make "every breath you take" I'll be (GROW MORE TREES!) watching you (poo) #snigger#, October 11, 2007