UnNews:Shock as Princess gives birth to black baby

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23 July 2013

New uncle Prince Harry cradles Winston. Next to Harry is James Rayman, a hospital worker who requested that UnNews make clear that he had "nothing the fuck to do with this."

You'd think butter wouldn't melt. But it did. Cocoa butter.

LONDON, United Kingdom -- The British Royal family was left stunned as The Duchess of Cambridge gave birth to a black child today.

The boy, to be named Winston, is potentially third in line to the throne, although scholars are divided as to whether he will be able to claim his place in the lineage.

Joanna Corey explained, "We're in unchartered terriotory. It was traditional for kings of England to go around having illegitimate kids with whores and strumpets, but queens generally remained faithful to their husbands for fear of decapitation and whatnot.

"In theory Prince William could reject the baby's legitimacy and file for a paternity test, but this would be a disgraceful acknowledgement that he has been cuckolded, and by a negro at that. He might have to take the difficult choice to do nothing about the baby, accept the inevitable whispers, but claim it as his own."

The father's identity is unknown, but millions of amateur detectives are trawling the archives for clues as to Kate's movements 9 months ago. Early leads point to a Jamaican-born yoga teacher, and a closed-doors visit to a youth centre in Peckham, London.

Buckingham Palace was unavailable for comment.

Sources

• Leverage "Royal baby brings world celebrations" BBC, July 23, 2013