UnNews:Sex offenders may receive "special" license plates
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
2 March 2007
CINCINNATI, OH - If Ohio legislators have their way with the Buckeye State’s sexual offenders, individuals who have been convicted of such offenses will be required to display special license plates on their vehicles for identification purposes.
The plates, which will be fluorescent pink, will bear the usual information--a number, dated decals, the name of the state and its current motto, “Birthplace of Crackpot Ideas,” and the name of the county in which the vehicle is registered as a sex offender.
The special plate will make the sex offender feel special, psychologists contend, and, it is hoped, thus reduce the likelihood of his (most sex offenders are male) repeating his vile acts. The legislation is similar to existing statutes in other states that require drunk drivers, gays, and Democrats to use plates of a particular color.
“The purpose isn’t to single out anyone,” State Representative David Hawk told Unnews’ reporter, Lotta Lies. “It’s to boost the individual’s self-esteem and to prevent the occurrence of more crimes against women, children, and pet animals, most of which are either dogs or horses, which are sex offenders' preferred partners.”
Gays and lesbians, like drunk drivers and Democrats, disagree. “The purpose is precisely to single us out,” said Ellen Degenerate, an out-and-about lesbian comedienne. “Let me remind Representative Hawk that, without gays, Jews, and blacks, there would be no gays, Jews, and blacks.” Rosie O'Donnell, another out-and-about lesbian comedienne, agreed, chiming in with her view that “Without gays and lesbians, there wouldn’t be any sex offenders.”
Critics also argue that the license plate would stigmatize whoever else used the vehicle besides the sex offender: his wife, children, parents, and any hitchhiker whom he might care to pick up or offer a “ride.” Besides, they say, pink is not an appropriate color. In the gay community, the color pink, indicates an interest in frottage. “The Ohio legislators would stigmatize a religious community by associating it with sex offenders. Now, THAT’s offensive,” Marty Martin of The Gay and Lesbian Alliance For Frottage said.
A committee is scheduled to debate the proposed legislation before deciding whether to advance the proposal for a vote by the full legislature.
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- Lotta Lies "No, it's NOT a license to BE a sex offender" Instant News, 22 seconds ago