UnNews:Robert Altman will not direct "M*A*S*H" prequel

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

24 November 2006

Robert Altman is out of the running for the upcoming M*A*S*H prequel, due to his recent death.

HOLLYWOOD, California -- Sad news for 'M*A*S*H' fans all over the world: Not only has M*A*S*H movie director Robert Altman died this week at 81, but has also been rejected by Twentieth Century Fox to direct the upcoming prequel or any other possible M*A*S*H-related films.

In a letter posted on Mash4077.co.uk, Altman's son, who wrote the lyrics to the M*A*S*H theme song "Suicide is Painless," informed the fans that his father was rejected from making any more M*A*S*H movies, due to the fact that he's dead. Altman has been excluded from all productions based on the Richard Hooker novel about the 4077 M*A*S*H unit.

The late director is involved in a lawsuit in which he did not disclose his death with Twentieth Century Fox. Fox also claims that it did not make enough money from the movie, and have been forced to syndicate the television series to make up for lost profits. Said Fox president Michael J. Fox, "Really, an anti-war movie like M*A*S*H was not a hot sell back in 1970 when we were in Vietnam. The only reason people have heard of the movie is because of the TV show. Also, if you're dead, why not just tell us you're dead?"

In his email to www.mash4077.co.uk/, Altman's son wrote:

"As you know, there has been a lot of speculation about the upcoming M*A*S*H prequel that is coming out in June. Unfortunately, Robert Altman will not be a part of this project, due to his recent death. I mean, you can't really do a movie with a dead guy, can you? Robert would be very interested in this film, if he were alive to be allowed to make it.

I do not want to discuss the prequel any further until the lawsuit is resolved. Until then, I'm open to discuss our plans for Gosford Park 2."

~Robert Altman's son on Robert Altman's dismissal from the upcoming M*A*S*H prequel

Fox also rejected the idea of having Lindsay Lohan direct the prequel, reasoning, "She'd turn the film into MTV crapola." However, Lohan has written a letter of condelence to the Altman family for both the death and the prequel snub. Fox is currently auditioning directors for the new M*A*S*H movie, which is slated for a June 30, 2007, release. You must be young, have hair, not look like the Cryptkeeper, and still be alive to get the job. Sorry, no zombies allowed, not even Rob Zombie, who is busy with his own Halloween remake, also slated for 2007.

Sources

• Walter O'Reilly "Altman will not direct "M*A*S*H" prequel" Guardian Unlimited, November 21, 2006

• Hawkeye Pearce "Late director Robert Altman unwanted for "M*A*S*H" prequel" E! News, November 21, 2006

• Tom Skerrit "Robert Altman dies at 81, dropped from "M*A*S*H" prequel" Associated Press, November 21, 2006