UnNews:Pakistan loses World Cup, agrees to surrender Kashmir
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
24 September 2007
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RAWALPINDI, Pakistan -- In a stunning show of subordinance, Pakistan has agreed to surrender Kashmir, destroy it's nukes, and worship Vishnu. These announcements were made shortly after India ass-raped the Pakis in the World Cup.
"I know we suck at everything," Musharraf said. "We lost four wars, we lost two states to towelheads while ass-kissing Bush, and we never caught all the pokemon, but at least we were good at cricket." "Now that we suck at that too, I might as well pack my bags and move in with Nawaz Sharif. Maybe I could have a threesome with him and Bhutto," he added.
The reaction in India has been jubilant. "Whoopee! Let's break another mosque!" shouted L.K. Advani, not realising that everyone hates him.
Pakistan was founded for the sole purpose of train-burning Hindus. Once the refugees were settled, however, they lost direction and instead banged the shit out of themselves practicing cricket.
Now that Pakistan is up shit creek without a paddle, rumors are emerging that India is pushing for an unconditional surrender of all of Pakistan, which includes the following:
- Pakistan's map is to be redrawn to show at least three rape-penises projecting into it, from India.
- Bollywood is to replace all culture. All men are to wear retro 80's breeches and dance poorly (but in synchronization) in order to attract obese women.
- A sad Musharraf saying "I'm sorry that I suck" will replace the flag, stamps, currency notes, and anything else that has more than two copies in print.
- A unity government consisting of Bhutto, Sharif, Pikachu, Osama, Obama, and Thatcher will replace Musharraf as President, Chief of the Armed Forces, Chief Justice, evil Sith Lord, and Super Sayan.
- Women will no longer have to wear burkhas and suffer under Sharia Law. They will now live behind a curtain and burn with their dead husband who is 95 years older to them.
Pakistan has released no official statement with regards to these rumors, but an insider said this. "We will not surrender any part of our sovereignty to India, unless they just take it from us an make another Bangladesh."
According to latest news, musharraf has proclaimed that 'oil is the blood of all Pakistanis', before asking george dubya bush for protection against india. India strongly reacted with an official statement that said "We will beat the shit out of pakistanis and dump all that comes out in some barren land seven oceans away".