UnNews:Obama worked campaign staffer to death
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
14 July 2012
WINDY CITY, IL – In his continuing bid for re-election to the presidency, President Barack Obama is working feverishly; so are his campaign aides. In fact, just today, Obama worked another staffer to death: twenty-nine-year-old Alex Okrent, unable to keep up with Obama's pressing demands upon his time, collapsed at the president's Chicago campaign headquarters, where he died just minutes later.
“I'm sorry to see him go,” the president said, upon learning of the news. “He may have been white, but he worked like a slave. That kind of work ethic is hard to replace nowadays. Even Hillary doesn't work like that boy did, although, Lord knows, I keep her hopping.”
After the “formalities” of calling Okrent's grieving family members to express his “condolences,” Obama addressed other aides, saying, “In light of Alex's death, I just want to say that the rest of you will have to redouble your efforts on my behalf. Michelle and I have become accustomed to living in the White House, like white people, with servants and our own private helicopter, chauffeurs, chef, and maids, and we mean to hold onto them. The best way you can memorialize Alex's death is to help him to attain his dream—a second term for me.”
Obama said he had known Alex for years, “although most of the time, our relationship was on the down-low.” The president characterized their relationship as "master-slave, with two guesses which of us was the master."
Mitt Romney and his team also expressed their condolences to Okrent's family. “It must be tragic for his parents to realize that their son gave his life on behalf of someone like Obama," a spokesman said, "when he could have supported a winner like Governor Romney for president.”
Although some say that Obama worked Okrent to death, the president's wife defended her husband. “Barack has never done a day's work in his life, and he sure as hell doesn't know how to make anything or anyone else work.”
The Okrent family has recommended that, in lieu of flowers, donations be made to the Democratic National Convention. “The Democrats are way behind the Romney team in fund raising,” they said.