UnNews:Obama to spend day jacking off
Sunday, September 21, 2014
Barack Obama, the President of the USA, is set to spend the whole Sunday jacking it, according to insiders.
Obama is quoted as telling a friend, "I am the most important man in the world, and sometimes I like to feel like the most important man in the world."
The President is rumored to be watching a bit of the Redskins-Eagles game, but our source tells us the President "never makes it through a whole game", and prefers to spend his Sundays "making the Presidential trouser-snake spit".
According to our source, Obama's masturbation habits were initially disrupted by his move to the White House in 2008, as he realized that the CIA would be tracking his every pornographic movement. As a result, it has become an open secret in the diplomatic world that the President warmly receives pornographic picture books from foreign perverts dignitaries.
"His favorite is one the Kenyan ambassador brought him, ironically enough," our source told us. "It's basically a picture book of all these naked tribeswomen. He can't get enough of it."
Obama was the first US President to openly talk about his masturbation habits, less than 20 years after Bill Clinton was ridiculed for claiming that he masturbated "once in college" but "didn't ejaculate".
More Obama news[edit | edit source]
- UnNews:Obama to outline IS strategy after consulting Stonehenge gods
- UnNews:Obama constipated amid Iraq crisis
- UnNews:Obama admits to eavesdropping addiction
- UnNews:Obama plays down Michelle's 'white mother' gaffe
- UnNews:Obama and Clinton finally speak about affair
- UnNews:Obama team blames Burma kiss on 'fatigue'
- UnNews:Complacent Obama beats wife during economic debate
