UnNews:North Korea, U.S. start talks on IRC

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

2 November 2006

Kim Jong Il's screenname, "LiLKImQT", is both a clever reference to his love of hip-hop and his actual name.

IRCLAND, ISTANBUL, or something -- North Korea and the United States finally initiated talks regarding N. Korea's newly conceived nuclear program. Both parties sent envoys to an IRC channel called #me_so_solly. The U.S. sent Condoleeza Rice (screen name: CoNDiGurL864) and U.S. ambassador to the U.N. John Bolton (screen name: killtehblax) to represent the U.S.'s interests.

Since North Korea's successful detonation of a nuclear weapon, many countries have been in an uproar, especially Japan, South Korea, and the U.S. Even though North Korea's nukes "suck Rosie O' Donnel's ballsack", as former Secretary General to the U.N. Kofi Annan put it, people are still edgy (or jealous). Most countries involved or concerned about the issue have strongly expressed their wanting N. Korea to cease it's weapons program, on the grounds that North Korea is totally lame and Kim Jong Il is a dweeb.

Below is an excerpt from the talks:

[18:23] <CoNDiGurL864>hey kim sup

[18:23] <LiLKImQT>nmu

[18:24] <CoNDiGurL864> jus chillin

[18:24] <killtehblax> hey kim

[18:24] <LiLKImQT> Oh hi john

[18:24] <LiLKImQT> how r u

[18:25] <killtehblax> prety good

[18:25] <CoNDiGurL864> kim we need 2 talk about ur nukes

[18:26] <LiLKImQT> wat u mean

[18:26] <killtehblax> u need 2 ditch them man they're not cool

[18:26] <LiLKImQT> O RLY

[18:26] <LiLKImQT> NO WAI

[18:27] <CoNDiGurL864> lol

[18:27] <killtehblax> rofl

[18:27] <killtehblax>srsly get rid of em

[18:28] <LiLKImQT>No way man their mine

[18:28] <LiLKImQT>I made them myself

[18:28] <LiLKImQT> I am king of asia

[18:29] <CoNDiGurL864> if u dont throw ur boms out then weer not frends ne more

[18:29] <LiLKImQT> ya right

[18:29] <CoNDiGurL864> Im srs

[18:30] <killtehblax> oh snap

[18:30] <Maf54> ne fit lads want 2 chat

[18:30] <killtehblax>GTFO Foley

[18:31] *killtehblax nipple twists Foley

[18:31] <CoNDiGurL864> omg lmao

[18:31] <LiLKImQT> oh shit parents coming g2g

[18:31] <killtehblax> kbai

[18:31] <CoNDiGurL864> c ya

So far, the talks have been fruitless, with the exception of finding out that Kim Jong Il totally has a crush on Bolton's little sister. Talks are scheduled to continue through the end of the month, but it is doubtful as to whether they will make it that long.

Sources

• Rove U. Rongtime "ME SO HORNY" Ching Chong Chinaman, October 5, Year of the Rat

• "North Koreans eat puppies" Iron Chef Digest, October 14, 2006