UnNews:Nixon admits 'I am a crook. No wait.'

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Saturday, November 17, 1973

Sock it to me?

BAY LAKE, Florida -- After former special prosecutor Archibald Cox held a press conference to confirm beyond reasonable doubt that President Nixon was involved in the Watergate break-in, Nixon posted on a newfangled thing called Twitter:

Nixon.jpg
Richard M. Nixon Twitter verified.png
@TrickyDick37
TwitterBird.png
6:00 PM 17 Nov 1973
Twitter reply.png      Twitter retweet.png 1,974    Twitter heart.png 37


Nixon.jpg
Richard M. Nixon Twitter verified.png
@TrickyDick37
TwitterBird.png
6:00 PM 17 Nov 1973
Twitter reply.png      Twitter retweet.png 1,974    Twitter heart.png 37


Nixon.jpg
Richard M. Nixon Twitter verified.png
@TrickyDick37
TwitterBird.png
6:00 PM 17 Nov 1973
Twitter reply.png      Twitter retweet.png 1,974    Twitter heart.png 37


Nixon.jpg
Richard M. Nixon Twitter verified.png
@TrickyDick37
TwitterBird.png
6:02 PM 17 Nov 1973
Twitter reply.png      Twitter retweet.png 1,974    Twitter heart.png 37


Nixon.jpg
Richard M. Nixon Twitter verified.png
@TrickyDick37
TwitterBird.png
6:02 PM 17 Nov 1973
Twitter reply.png      Twitter retweet.png 1,974    Twitter heart.png 37


Nixon.jpg
Richard M. Nixon Twitter verified.png
@TrickyDick37
TwitterBird.png
6:03 PM 17 Nov 1973
Twitter reply.png      Twitter retweet.png 1,974    Twitter heart.png 37


Nixon.jpg
Richard M. Nixon Twitter verified.png
@TrickyDick37
TwitterBird.png
6:03 PM 17 Nov 1973
Twitter reply.png      Twitter retweet.png 1,974    Twitter heart.png 37


Twenty minutes later, the embattled president held a press conference at Disney's Contemporary Resort to retract his stunning admission:

"No, wait, did I say I was a crook? I meant I'm not a crook. I am not a crook. I did not instruct anybody to break into DNC headquarters. Not a crook."

Nixon's Vice President, Spiro Agnew, resigned Wednesday, October 10 in an unrelated scandal. The office is currently vacant. If Nixon is impeached for his role in the Watergate scandal, Speaker of the House Carl Albert will become president, unless Nixon appoints a vice president before that time.

Sources[edit]