UnNews:Murderer tracks down YouTube user

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

26 December 2006

The murder video was brutal, but this was worse.

CAPSLAND, AMERICA - Gary Brolsma - brutally murdered in a nightclub parking lot. Why? Hamilton police believe it was because he posted a three minute and twenty seven second video. The video was entitled "New Numa", a sequel to his previous critically acclaimed video "Numa Numa", an amateur music video to the tune of "Dragostea Din Tei". An infuriated YouTube viewer tracked down and killed Gary Brolsma. About two weeks later, the previously anonymous 24-year-old George Gallo, a self-proclaimed Moldovan patriot, turned himself in.

Police had thought that the extra attention brought to the case is what made Gallo surrender. However, it was mainly because George posted a video of himself slaughtering Gary, which he set to "Dragostea Din Tei," onto Google Video. "Youtube is viewed by more people, and I wanted to cover my tracks well, know what I mean? Also, I didn't want to encourage those crazy YouTube kids. I hate YouTube so goddamn much. They have desecrated our national anthem!"

"Of course, I probably shouldn't have posted it on the Internet at all if I didn't want to get caught, let alone link it on my LiveJournal. But the video came out so cool! And redeemed our national honor. I particularly like the bit where I write 'NUMA NUMA' on the walls in his blood in time with the beat. It's very patriotic."

The video had been seen from as far away as ... well, as close as possible. No one watches Google Video. When we pointed out to Gallo that Google now in fact owns YouTube, he said, "... what?"

Det. Sgt. Jorge Lasso claims that he caught George when he noted that the same people who watched the murder video are the same people who are his children's ages. "My own children are in that age category, and they spend all their time on the Internets; they do not watch mainstream media," he stated, "Which is probably where crazy crap like Numa Numa comes from in the first place." He was not a bit concerned that his children had watched a real murder.

State legislators are now seeking to have amateur music videos set to "Dragostea Din Tei" declared a felony offense, mostly against good taste.

Sources

• Doldrums "Video clip from YouTube used to track down suspect murderer" WikiNews, December 25, 2006