UnNews:Mike Tyson KO’ed by midriff bulge

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7 March 2010

Tyson now

LAS VEGAS, Nevada -- UnNews was shocked to learn that Las Vegas pariah, former “Baddest Man on the Planet”, and World Heavyweight Raping Chump, “Glass-jaw” Mike Tyson, was soundly defeated by challenger, Midriff “Lardass” Bulge, in a boring contest hyped by King Don as the “Battle of the Bulge”. By the end of Round One it was clear to all spectators that Tyson was, indeed, FAT cold on his feet.

After losing the fight Tyson was immediately taken away by the Police for breaching a little known amendment, added before the Constitution was written, that outlines a law which simply states, “Any man, women or shemale who is so bombastic as to ever once proclaim themselves as ‘Baddest Man on the Planet is forbidden to lose a ‘Battle of the Bulge’ for the rest of their natural born lives.”

UnNews also was surprised that the fore-fore fathers, in their infinite wisdom, should punish any such violation with the worse-than-death sentence of Life-in-prison with Peter North as a cell-mate.

UnNews has to admit that the fore-fore fathers were really smart.

Before leaving the dining table, new Champ, Midriff Bulge, told UnNews, "Everybody said he was invincible and nobody never even threw a single punch dinner at 'em. So I thought, 'go-on, man, take a poke!' And sure 'nough he was Fat-cold!”

UnNews will watch this case and keep you informed as a lard-ass who is 300 million dollars in debt can possibly buy/eat his way out of this mess.


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This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.