UnNews:Microsoft to fight piracy through comics

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22 January 2007

When Windows Vista cannot verify its license, the output quality is degraded.

THE BUNKER, Redmond, Monday (UnSlash) — Microsoft is expanding its fight against software piracy with a new educational effort that includes comics. The online campaign, set to start on Monday, is meant to tell people the benefits of using properly licensed software.

Dubbed "Genuine Fact Files," Microsoft plans to draw attention to it through banner ads on its Web sites and promotional material that it will hand out through partners.

The campaign is designed to degrade the comic if viewed by unlicensed readers. Legitimate verified licensed users of Vista with Aero will see it in three-dimensional High Definition at 1080×600 at 80 frames per second. Legitimate verified users of Windows XP will see it in two-dimensional 640×480 at 30 frames per second. People attempting to read it on a Macintosh will see 160×120 double-sized "chunky" black and white pixel art with a "next frame" button, and users trying to view it on Linux will automatically be reported to local law enforcement.

Microsoft has escalated its effort to combat piracy since mid-2005. Windows XP now checks your license key against Microsoft's database each login. Windows Vista requires a retina scan before enabling high-end features, and the forthcoming Windows Blackcomb will require a blood sample each time you click "save."

Microsoft tried to enlist Disney to its anti-piracy efforts, but this was vetoed for some reason by Disney board member and single largest shareholder Steve Jobs. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHA," Jobs was reported to have reacted to the suggestion. "Bill, you kill me," he said, looking forward to the next time he visited the Gates for dinner.

While some of the measures have irked some users, Microsoft says such steps are justified because piracy is rampant and hurting its sales. Linux users fired up their copies of AIGLX and Looking Glass, with fast 3-D rotating graphics, running two to six times as fast as similar effects on Vista on one-third the CPU, and laughed and laughed and laughed, looking forward to the next few years.

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