UnNews:Majority of annoying women finally chase spouses out of house

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

16 January 2007

Love you too, honey. Bye-bye!

WASHINGTON (FUG) - For the first time, a majority of American women are living without a spouse, media reported, primarily because they're shrill, annoying bitches who laugh at their husbands and refuse to have sex with them.

The New York Times, which based its report on an analysis of census results, said 51 percent of women in 2005 reported living without a spouse, up from 35 percent in 1950 and 49 percent in 2000.

"American women basically just can't get along with people," the newspaper said. "They have unrealistic expectations, constantly complain about stupid shit, want the fucking moon, and claim to enjoy sex but really only use it as a way to get stuff."

It said that several factors are behind the shift including women marrying at a later age and living with partners for more often and for longer periods because they get too old and ugly. Women are also living longer as widows and once divorced, since nobody wants to listen to their stupid problems.

According to the Census figures, only about 30 percent of black women are living with a spouse, compared with 49 percent of Hispanic women, 55 percent of non-Hispanic white women and more than 60 percent of Asian women, who were determined by the Census to be the least annoying because they know how to STFU once in a while.

Sources

• Robert Bly "Caring Understanding New-age Types" Mr., January 16, 2006