UnNews:Jim Varney resurrected for new film role

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

5 December 2009

SAN FRANCISCO, California -- Freshly resurrected leader of the Church of Satan Anton LeVey has closed a $2 million deal with New Line Cinema this morning to provide a risen-from-the-dead Jim Varney. As his eternal character "Earnest", the lovable, evil redneck from the dark side of Mayberry will star in the latest effort in the hugely successful series of "...On A Plane" movies.

Co-starring in the new film, titled "Ernest On A Plane with Snakes", will be Samuel L. Jackson, replaying his role of William Murderface, exiled Baron of Wachusett. Jackson will be paid a reported $1.8 million dollars for his hard-hitting portrayal of the down-and-out Sky Marshall on his last flight before mandatory retirement.

Opposite Jacksons straight man will be Ernest, snake-handling, bumbling Christian minister, flying home to somewhere in Appalachia for a dunking ceremony. When the reverends carry-on bag falls from an overhead compartment, spilling vipers in all directions, the hilarity ensues.

Inevitably Murderface loses it completely, and yells, "I'm tired of these motherfucking, goofy-looking rednecks on this motherfucking plane!"

"Ernest On A Plane with Snakes" will open at select cinemas beginning December 17, 2009.

Sources

• Minnie Cressman "Again with the snakes?" Twin Forks Alluder, December 5, 2009