UnNews:Is 06/06/06 the Number of the Beast?

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

4 June 2006

In two days, we're going to have to deal with this guy. Are you prepared?

LONDON, England -- With only 2 days to go now till Armageddon, on 06/06/06, there's lots to do. For End Times cultists, there's prayer, scurrying about, and being insane. For us, it's a tireless effort to bring you a fair and balanced reporting of this historical date and the events concerning the Number of the Beast, 666.

So-called rational people like scientists claim that it's a day like any other, and that whatever comes to pass, it is only coincidentally connected to 666. Wikipedia, notorious enemy of truth, weighs in heavily on the side of skepticism.

“Numerology is the parascience that studies the purported mystical or esoteric relationship between numbers and the character or action of physical objects and living things.”

~ Wikipedia on a simplistic view of Numerology

We at UnNews know better, and are concerned with a balanced coverage of this event. UnNews fact checkers have compiled a list of Beastly numbers for you, our precious readers, so that you might make up your own minds about the facts of Astrology and Numerology.

• 668 - Neighbour of the Beast
• 999 - Number of the Australian Beast (Southern Hemisphere)
• 670 - Approximate Number of The Beast
• 666.000000000000 - High Precision number of the Beast
• 665.9999999874 - Number of the Pentium Beast
• 666 degrees F - Oven temperature for Roast Beast
• 1010011010 - Number of the Binary Beast
• DCLXVI - Number of the Roman Beast
• 666 mg. - Recommended minimum daily dosage of the Beast
• Route 666 - Way of the Beast
• - umm what was the question again? Number of the Blonde Beast
• 696969 - Number of the bisexual beast
• 6.66 - Price of the Tesco gasoline Beast per gallon
• 666i - BMW of the Beast
• 666 x sq.rt (-1) - Number of the Imaginary Beast
• 6³ - Cubic Beast

Now that you're sufficiently frightened, prepare yourselves for dead people to crawl up out of the ground and to be judged by God. Donate to Uncyclopedia, and get extra credit for your Heaven exam.

Sources

• Thomas Jefferson "666 Watch: Questions and Answers" End Times Press, June 4, 2006

• Mike Keith "The Number of the Beast" Mike Keith's World of Words & Numbers, June 4, 2006