UnNews:Iranian president's heart crushed by bully

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

12 February 2007

MC Ahmadinejad pimpin' it up.

TEHRAN, Iran -- Iran's President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad says US accusations Tehran is fomenting violence in Iraq are an attempt to hide Washington's own failures and that US president George W. Bush is "so mean to me I don't even feel like living anymore." The self-conscious, socially insecure Mr Ahmadinejad made the comments in a rare text messaging interview on Monday.

US officials in Iraq had said they had evidence that Iran was providing weapons to Shia militias who attacked the US military. Mr Ahmadinejad said Iran "shied away from all conflict" and that no peace would come with foreign troops in Iraq. According to Ahmadinejad's myspace account, "George is, like, so mean at school and stuff and he never knows when 2 get rid of a grudge. The hostage sitch was, lyke, 20 flipping years ago, but he's still a bitch about it."

In the interview with user ez_as_123 on MSN, Mr Ahmadinejad was questioned repeatedly about the US claims. He said the accusations were "excuses to prolong the stay" of US forces and repeated his claims that "OMFG Bush is such a bitch."

"There should be no foreigners there in Iraq. And then you see that you have peace in Iraq. Everyone knows that: look at this chill antiwar group on myspace and uber-cool Pop-punk band Green Day's latest album. Billy Joe would never lie to us," Mr Ahmadinejad said. He said any claims of Iranian military supplies should have a "court to prove the case" adding that "Bush has a rep as a popular, slutty gossiper -- look at all that crap he made up just so he could take over Iraq to impress Condi and get her to sleep with him. She's such a whore-bitch skank-slut jerk, that Rice bitch." Mr Ahmadinejad said: "We have made it clear the lack of security in Iraq is to our disadvantage. I mean, guyz in uniform are sooo hott!"

Earlier, Iranian Foreign Ministry spokesman Mohammad Ali Hosseini had called the US allegations "baseless propaganda intended to make Ahmadinejad go anorexic." He said Washington had a long history of fabricating evidence.

On Sunday, US officials said they had proof that Iran had provided sophisticated weapons which had been used to kill American soldiers in Iraq. The US claims have not been independently verified, and, like most everything the Republicans say, is 100 percent bullshit. The Bush administration denies it is planning to invade Iran (just like it did with Iraq) but has indicated it is willing to use military force to deal with any Iranian interference inside Iraq.

Democratic Senator Chris Dodd, likely the only sane man in Washington said the Bush administration had tried to falsify evidence before, and it would be a mistake to create a premise for future military action and tease the already depressed Ahmadinejad more.

Mr Ahmadinejad told ez_as_123 he thought the possibility of an attack "very low. "We believe there are wise people in the US who will stop such illegal actions," he said. "Anyone who wants to attack our country will be seriously punished. I promise total pwn4g3."

Sources

• Stacee Lee Fitzpatrick "Hott Iran guy lets it out on his blog, causes internet meme" MySpace, 12 February 2007